Space CLAN
by inFAMOUSpoptart
Summary: "We will not be able to live on Earth forever, because of twoleg pollution." Asteroidpelt of Thunderclan is sent on a journey across the stars along with four other cats aboard Space C.L.A.N. They must find a suitable planet that can sustain clan life before the twolegs carelessly destroy their home planet. (PARODY, OC's)
1. E101pt1: The Launch

**Author's Note: Hey guys, inFAMOUSpoptart here, bringing an original comedy/parody involving Warriors, owned by Erin Hunter. The original idea for this Fanfic surfaced around May, 2012, but hasn't been written since then because of my hiatus from Fanfiction. The one story I wrote before my hiatus was deleted for poor writing and plot. I've learned to build a better structure for my stories after that, which will hopefully lead to this one's success. I put many hours of thought into this 'fic, which is uniquely episodic. I hope you all enjoy part one of Space C.L.A.N.!**

_**There are going to be many references throughout this series. See how many you recognize.**_

**(This chapter was updated on July 25, 2013. I revised some annoying grammatical errors, slightly changed the appearance of three characters, described a few things more thoroughly, corrected OOC characters, and made the overall chapter flow better.)**

* * *

Space C.L.A.N.

E101:_ The Launch_

* * *

The sunrise over the distant mountain was beautiful. It's golden light reaching across the Earth and warming it, to Ashpelt's appreciation. He loved watching the sun rise. In fact, it was his favorite time of day. He sat there, enjoying the cool, crisp, leaf-fall air. The breeze sent leaves across the ground, as well as shivers down his spine. No-leaf was definitely on its way.

He suddenly felt another cat's gaze on him, and immediately tensed.

"Any luck with prey?" Brambleclaw- the clan deputy- meowed to him, as he treaded out of the bushes.

Ashpelt let his fur lie down, and his muscles relax. It was only Brambleclaw. However, he _had_ told him he was going on a hunting patrol. "Eh… not yet," he meowed back, nervously.

Brambleclaw nodded, then looked up to the sun. "It sure is amazing, isn't it?"

"Oh, yeah," Ashpelt purred, glad Brambleclaw understood how distracting the sun was to him. They see it every day, yet never truly appreciate its beauty. He didn't understand why, but somehow the sun brought back memories of his kithood.

"Anyways," Brambleclaw continued, "Firestar said he wanted to speak with you in his den."

"Okay. Is it urgent?" Ashpelt meowed back, now standing on all fours.

"Just be there before sun-high. Feel free to hunt on the way back."

And that's just what he did. He prowled along the forest floor, in search of prey. Whenever he really tried, he could move throughout the forest without a sound. He kept his eyes open for any signs of prey, while also looking for twigs or other noisy objects to avoid. He thought he heard scuffling a few fox-lengths away and lowered himself to the ground.

There was a thick, fallen log between him and the source of the sound, so he was more careful about making noise than he was careful about being seen. He moved closer until he was able to slowly raise his head over the log and scan the area for whatever prey had caused the noise.

_There!_ Ashpelt exclaimed mentally. Before him scurried a mouse, a few tail-lengths away. Easy prey. Without further ado, he leapt forward, springing over the log and right onto the mouse. It writhed beneath his paws, squeaking. He knelt down and silenced it with a sharp bite to its neck. Success.

* * *

Ashpelt padded into the Thunderclan camp, noticing the obvious crowd of cats gathered around the nursery entrance. He continued to the fresh-kill pile, where he dropped his two mice.

"Hey, Ashpelt!" Cloudtail called from the opposite end of the stone hollow. "Have you seen Ferncloud's new litter?"

Ashpelt looked back to the mass of cats. "Oh, that explains it."

The cream colored warrior trotted across the clearing towards Ashpelt. "That she-cat just won't stop having kits, will she?"

Ashpelt nodded. Ferncloud was known around the lake for giving birth to an excessive amount of kits. "I feel sorry for the next generation of warriors. Pretty much everyone will be related to each other by then."

Cloudtail dipped his head in sorrowful agreement, then meowed, "I think Firestar wanted to see you in his den. It sounded important."

Ashpelt's eyes widened in remembrance. He had managed to hunt on the way back with little time left over. He looked up. "Great Starclan, it's sun-high!" He scampered off, not even bothering to tell Cloudtail goodbye.

_He might have thought differently if he knew that he may never see him or his clan again for a _very_ long time._

* * *

"You wanted to see me, Firestar?"

The orange tabby had been pacing around his den relentlessly, but froze and looked up when he heard Ashpelt.

"Where have you been? We're late to a very important private clan meeting!" he yowled, stressfully.

"Sorry, I lost track of the sun." Ashpelt found a sudden interest in the ground beneath his feet, and only just processed the rest of what Firestar had said. "Private clan meeting? I've never heard of that."

"No time to explain, Ashpelt," Firestar hissed, "but I've been watching you for a few seasons and have chosen you for a very important mission."

Ashpelt decided not to acknowledge the fact that his clan leader had been "watching" him. Instead he simply asked, "What is this, 'important mission?'"

"Come with me. I'll explain as much as I can on the way." And with that, the clan leader marched over to the far side of the den and put his paw on a paw-shaped indent in the cave wall. A green light seemed to emanate from the indent, just behind Firestar's paw-pad. A few seconds of this, and something crazy happened.

The wall seemed to split in half. Ashpelt jumped back in fear, his fur standing on end. "W-what's happening?!"

Firestar just looked back at him calmly and meowed, "Science!"

The wall was now opening into another room; everything inside it was white. After the wall split far enough apart for a cat to slip through, it stopped moving, and Firestar… well, slipped through.

Firestar's meow echoed back into the den. "Don't worry Ashpelt! It's perfectly safe. Come on in."

Ashpelt had never known his mother. But if he had, she would have surely warned him about following cats down tunnels in the wall. Firestar was his clan leader, though. He would probably get into a flank-load of trouble if he bailed on him before a "private clan meeting." He decided to take a peek inside.

"F-Firestar?" He mewed nervously, as he padded closer to the crack in the wall.

"C'mon, Ashpelt! It's just a doorway." Firestar poked his head through the crack, and gestured for Ashpelt to follow him.

Ashpelt had never seen anything like it, but he decided to trust his clan leader and take a leap of faith… literally. He leapt through the wall, in fear that it would collapse again, and guess what? He survived.

"There you go!"

Ashpelt unclenched his eyes, and looked around the room. He was in a bright, white, box, with blinky lights all over the walls. Firestar stood next to the doorway- a new vocabulary word- and put his paw up to another paw-shaped indent. This time, the crack in the wall closed, and it felt as though the box was falling rapidly.

"What is that?!" Ashpelt yowled, startled.

Firestar remained calm as if he had done this many times before. "We call it a Rise-Fall Mechanism. We're going deep into the Earth, where the meeting is held."

* * *

The metal box suddenly became still, and the door opened again, this time to a different room. Ashpelt didn't bother with letting his new surroundings scare him again. Instead, he threw himself out the door and lost his breakfast all over the floor.

Firestar put a paw on the tom's shoulder. "I understand how you must feel, but we are still running very late."

Ashpelt looked up to Firestar. "Am I dreaming? How is any of this possible?"

"As I said before, 'science!'" Firestar grabbed Ashpelt by the scruff of his neck, and hauled him through yet another door.

Inside this room there wasn't anything to see except a rectangular platform, which Firestar gestured to climb onto.

Ashpelt shook his head, getting rid of the last of the motion sickness, and began marching dutifully towards it. "What is this thing?"

"You'll need a clan uniform. Place your paws in the circles on the floor."

Ashpelt looked down. There were paw-sized circles on the floor, which were conveniently placed for a cat to put its paws comfortably. As soon as he aligned his paws, he heard a whirring sound above him, and before he knew it, he was being shoved into a "uniform."

After a few moments of struggling, the machine finally put him back onto the platform. Firestar was stifling a laugh for unknown reasons, while a panel dropped down from the ceiling. Ashpelt was able to see himself on its reflective surface.

There was a white material covering most of his body, leaving only his head, tail, and paws exposed. It covered his dark stripes that ran along his body, much to his distaste. The only other color on the suit was brown, which matched his pelt almost perfectly. It only appeared on cuffs around his paws and around his neck, almost like a kitty-pet collar.

After taking in all the small details, he noticed what Firestar had found so funny. His brown, tabby fur was standing up, making the exposed parts of him look bigger than the rest of his body.

"Ha-ha. Real funny." He forced his fur to lie flat again and hopped off the pedestal. "What is this thing?"

Firestar quickly composed himself. "It's a suit, perfectly suited- pun- for the type of things you'll be doing on this mission." He walked over to the other side of the room, while Ashpelt wondered what kind of mission would require such a strange suit.

A small part of the wall opened. A black rectangle was revealed behind it. In the blink of an eye, it changed colors. Firestar began moving things around the box with his paw, concentrating intently.

Ashpelt chose not to watch. It was too confusing… How had cats created all of this?

"Done," Firestar muttered. A small robotic arm extended from the wall and attached a shiny object to Ashpelt's suit. He noticed that the same object was on the screen Firestar had been fiddling with moments before.

The object matched his eyes in color-a deep green- and had the letters "S.C." written in clan language. Under the "S.C." was the word, "Asteroidpelt."

"Uh, Asteroidpelt?" Ashpelt inquired.

"If you choose to accept this mission, Asteroidpelt shall become your new name. All Mappers are named after celestial objects."

Ashpelt didn't know which of Firestar's statements to question first. "What happens if I don't accept the mission? And, what the Dark Forest is a 'Mapper'?"

Firestar took a moment to think. "Let me rephrase that. You will be renamed Asteroidpelt and go on the mission whether you want to or not. You're being sent across the galaxy to _map_, planets and constellations for us, thus the name, 'Mapper'."

_Well, that escalated quickly, _Ashpelt thought.

* * *

"This next room is quite the shocker for new catstronauts, so don't be afraid; nothing will harm you," Firestar mewed quietly as he placed his paw into yet another indent. The doors opened, and Ashpelt was met with an uproar of voices from inside. Ashpelt was able to make out a few sentences from the overlapping voices.

"Firestar's here!"

"What took you so long?"

"There's his chosen warrior!"

Ashpelt assumed that he was the "chosen warrior."

Firestar began marching out onto a catwalk high above the floor of the room. Ashpelt followed shortly. The cylindrical room was huge. It was hundreds of tail-lengths high and just as long in diameter. Along the walls there were rows of cats sitting in bleachers almost as high as the roof. Ashpelt didn't see as many cats at gatherings every moon.

"_Private clan meeting" my flank…_

In the very center of the room, there was a giant, complex structure nearly touching the ceiling. The top of the structure was in the shape of a cylinder with a rounded apex. Around the middle section of the ship, three more cylinders split apart from the main one, running parallel. The words, "Space C.L.A.N." were printed sideways along the center cylinder.

Looking to his left and right he saw three other catwalks, all coming from different doors and merging into one platform near the tower. Looking back to the doors, he saw a different clan symbol above each. The door he had come out of was of course the Thunderclan door. The Windclan door was to his left, the Shadowclan door to his right, and the Riverclan door to the right of Shadowclan's.

Before he even knew it, he had arrived at the center platform and was surprised at who else was there besides Firestar. All four clan leaders- Firestar of Thunderclan, Blackstar of Shadowclan, Leapordstar of Riverclan, and Onestar of Windclan- stood on raised platforms arranged in a circle around the edge of the catwalk.

Each clan leader had a smaller platform next to their own where their chosen warrior stood, except Leapordstar, who had a warrior on either side of her.

He finally noticed Firestar gesturing for him to occupy the platform next to his own. As he climbed onto it Blackstar began to speak.

"Now that we're all here… Let us sing the Clan Anthem."

A song known as "Nyan Cat" began playing loudly throughout the room. The cats in the stands stood up and sang along enthusiastically. After a few moments of this the song ended. The cats sat back down. Ashpelt swore he heard Blackstar mutter the word, "Beautiful," to himself.

A small object mounted on a pole rose from the ground next to Leapordstar. She spoke into it, and her voice boomed throughout the room just as the Clan Anthem had before.

"Cats of the clans, we are gathered here today for the launch of Space C.L.A.N., marking the second manned space mission by us cats."

_Second space mission? Why had I never heard of all this before?_

"I have chosen two warriors from Riverclan to go on this important mission," Leapordstar continued. "Cometfur and Moondust. Moondust holds the special role of being the C.L.A.N.'s medicine cat, while Cometfur will aid the C.L.A.N. with her vast knowledge of combat and swiftness."

The two she-cats raised their heads proudly as the audience roared with cheering. They both had well-groomed white fur with light-grey streaks in some areas. Their pelts didn't differentiate much, except Cometfur's was much longer. The only other difference in appearance Ashpelt could see was both the different grey patterns and eye color. Cometfur had sapphire blue eyes while Moondust had shining silver.

Once the cheering died down, the pole Leapordstar had spoken into slid across the floor, stopping in front of Onestar. He leaned forward and spoke. "Greetings, attendees. I have chosen my warrior, Oortcloud, for the mission. He is a young warrior with much to learn, but his loyalty is surpassed by no other."

Oortcloud stood there, smiling goofily as the crowd cheered him on. He had a long-hair, smoke grey pelt. His eyes were a bright blue, similar to Cometfur's.

As the cheering died down his facial expression went from a smile, to almost a frown. As if he was disappointed with the amount of applause he received…

Next up was Blackstar. The pole broke physics again, sliding across the ground to his platform. "My warrior, Starscreech, will provide Space C.L.A.N. with the strength it needs to survive in the cold void of space."

Ashpelt looked to Starscreech. The tom was sitting on his haunches, as if he couldn't care less that he had been chosen for such an important mission. The cat had short, charcoal black fur. His eyes were a menacing orange.

Ashpelt just noticed that the room was eerily quiet. After a few moments of standing in awkward tension, a lone cat yowled, "Go Starscreech!"

Starscreech simply rolled his eyes.

The pole slid to Firestar. Ashpelt realized that he would be the center of attention next, which gave him butterflies in his stomach.

_Would anyone cheer for me? _He thought. He didn't attend many clan gatherings, but when he did, he found himself sitting alone at the back of the crowd. To put it simply, he was anti-social. Quite odd for a forest cat…

Firestar began speaking, but Ashpelt couldn't make out any words because of his heart beating so loudly. He suddenly felt dizzy with anxiety. It felt like he was going to lose his breakfast a second time.

"…And that is why I have chosen Asteroidpelt to fulfill such great responsibilities aboard Space C.L.A.N.," Firestar finished.

The crowd immediately looked from Firestar to Asteroidpelt, who was unconscious on the catwalk in front of his platform.

* * *

Asteroidpelt awoke to quiet voices a few tail-lengths away. As his eyes fluttered open, their conversation stopped abruptly. He was in another brightly colored room. There was a long window along one wall, leading to a door at the end of it. He saw Firestar sitting with a familiar looking she-cat next to the door. _Moondust_, he remembered.

"Morning, Asteroidpelt," Firestar meowed light-heartedly. "I didn't know you had stage fright."

"What happened?" Asteroidpelt murmured drowsily.

"You collapsed during my speech. I put a lot of thought into that, you know…"

Asteroidpelt felt the unmistakable feeling of embarrassment in his gut. _Did I really just collapse in front of so many cats?_

"I wouldn't worry about the audience," Moondust spoke up. "I heard they're going to be mind-wiped after the launch. They won't remember a thing."

Well, that was a relief. But, the other chosen warriors might have to live with him for a while on the mission. _Hopefully this will blow over quickly…_

"We recorded the speeches on camera. You can watch them before launch if you want." Firestar padded over to another black rectangle in the wall. It lit up, displaying the event from a different angle.

Asteroidpelt dreaded watching himself faint on camera, but he did want to know what Firestar had said in his speech.

"I'm going to go see how the other warriors are handling the news. I might need to get them some anxiety medicine," Moondust mewed, mostly to herself, before trotting through the door. Whether or not she had just been introduced to all of this herself, she seemed to adapt very quickly.

The Clan Anthem began playing softly from the screen in the room, followed by the sound of distortions and Firestar banging on the DVD player.

* * *

Moondust peeked into the cafeteria. The room was designed to hold dozens of cats, but today only one table was occupied. Cometfur, Oortcloud, and Starscreech sat at the table. As Moondust got closer, their conversation began to get clearer.

"Look at me, I'm Asteroidpelt," Cometfur said in a teasing voice. She dramatically put her paw up to her forehead and fell backwards out of her seat.

Oortcloud burst into laughter, which was almost contagious, as Moondust was struggling not to laugh herself. Starscreech didn't react.

"Cometfur!" Moondust yowled. Her sister sat up, her smile instantly gone.

"When did you get here?!" Cometfur exclaimed.

"It doesn't matter! You should be taking things much more seriously. We're going into space, for Starclan's sake!"

"No," Cometfur protested. "Firestar should've chosen a braver warrior for the mission! If he could stand properly, we would have no reason to laugh."

This time, Oortcloud cut in. "That was funny and all, but I think we should give Asteroidpelt a chance. I mean, it's rude to judge a book by its cover."

"Oortcloud's right," Starscreech mumbled. "We should cut him some slack; he _does_ come from the weakest clan around the lake!"

Starscreech and Cometfur both began laughing uncontrollably.

"That's not what I meant!" Oortcloud mewed, frustrated.

Moondust was fed up with her sister's immatureness. They _must_ learn to respect each other if they want to survive in space. Without further ado, she tackled Cometfur. She would've just given them both a smack on the head, but to be honest, she was a bit unnerved by Starscreech.

As the two she-cats rolled around violently on the floor, Oortcloud and Starscreech engaged in another pointless argument.

* * *

After setting up the "Launch #2 – Introduction" DVD to play in the infirmary (with minor technical difficulties), Firestar decided to see how the other Mappers were holding up in the cafeteria.

The cafeteria door opened automatically when it sensed Firestar's presence. What he saw and heard inside shocked him.

On one end of the room, Moondust and Cometfur were yowling and growling as they clawed at each other in one of those classic cartoon dust clouds. They had scratches covering their entire bodies, and their uniforms were a tattered mess.

On the other end of the room, Oortcloud and Starscreech were having a Forest Dew drinking contest. Oortcloud was currently on his back, drinking soda by the pint. He finished chugging a can, then tossed it onto a rather large pile of more empty soda cans.

"Beat that…" He meowed drowsily.

"Oh, I plan to," Starscreech meowed back.

"Stop fighting!" Firestar ran over to the dust cloud containing Moondust and Cometfur. "We are civilized! Quit behaving like kits!"

The cloud of dust slowly faded, revealing the two fighting she-cats. Cometfur had one of Moondust's hind legs in her jaw, prepared to bite down. Moondust was gnawing on the tip of Cometfur's tail.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Firestar demanded. "You've ruined you C.L.A.N. uniforms and are covered in wounds!"

The two siblings stood up, heads drooping.

"If you want to survive in space, you must learn to respect each other!"

Moondust looked up, her mouth open as if she were about to say something, but decided not to and let her head fall again.

"Go see Leapordstar. You both need a new suit. Those things are extremely expensive…"

The siblings nodded, and Firestar sighed. He dashed over to the other two Mappers.

Both Oortcloud and Starscreech lay on the floor, moaning about how they "Shouldn't have drank that last can."

"Y-you've made yourselves sick!" Firestar exclaimed. "…And depleted our entire inventory of Forest Dew!"

"You can make a few bucks recycling these cans." Oortcloud gestured to the mountain of aluminum. "You're welcome."

Firestar didn't know what to say. "Um… go wash the soda out of your fur. See Moondust if you have a bellyache."

There was no doubt they had a bellyache.

* * *

"We're entirely off schedule! We should've launched hours ago!" Leapordstar growled as she paced.

All four clan leaders were waiting on the same catwalk they had been on earlier for the speeches and anthem. They had originally planned to launch Space C.L.A.N. just after Firestar's speech and another singing of Nyan Cat. But they couldn't launch when one of their Mappers was unconscious, could they?

Finally, the doors at the end of the catwalk opened. The Clan Anthem played again as they marched down their walkways towards their clan leaders.

Cometfur and Moondust had both gotten brand new space suits.

It looked as though Starscreech and Oortcloud's stomachs had settled.

And Asteroidpelt remained on his feet. _Maybe he had gotten over his stage fright?_

*Line Break*

Internally, Asteroidpelt kept reminding himself that the crowd would be mindwiped after the event. He wanted to just wake up, back in his nest in the warrior's den. Everything was so vivid and real, though. This couldn't be a dream, could it?

He was trying his best to stay synchronized with the other Mappers, but kept finding himself falling a bit behind. He couldn't seem to get the memory of himself fainting out of his head. It was so embarrassing.

Finally, after what had seemed like hours, they all arrived at the center platform.

"Welcome, Mappers!" Onestar exclaimed into the same pole from earlier. "After slight delay (major understatement), we are finally ready to launch Space C.L.A.N.!" He gestured with his tail to the giant centerpiece in the room and Asteroidpelt finally realized that it _was_ Space C.L.A.N. Originally, he thought it was solely for decorative purposes. He was still pretty new to this whole "technology" stuff, so he found himself wondering how it was even supposed to get them into space.

"As you know from my speech," Firestar began, "Asteroidpelt is the rightful leader of Space C.L.A.N. And as you know from clan life, all leaders must have a clan deputy."

Asteroidpelt sighed. In Firestar's speech, he told of how he decided on making him the leader of the mission. The tabby tom hated this! _Why_ was this happening all so sudden?

However, the "deputy" part had surprised Asteroidpelt. He hardly knew these cats, yet he was asked to pick one to help lead alongside him?

He looked at Cometfur. She seemed like a worthy choice, but her sister was already the C.L.A.N. medicine cat. It might seem a little biased to Riverclan if he chose her.

Moondust was the only Mapper he had even heard speak, yet she was already the medicine cat.

He looked to Oortcloud. He wore the same grin on his face from earlier. It made him look… unprofessional.

Starscreech? He looked strong and darn-well intimidating. He was awfully quiet though.

"I choose…" The room was eerily quiet. The crowd in complete silence, they were hung on the edge of their seats.

"Hurry up already!" A cat yowled from the audience.

"Starscreech." He seemed like the best choice from the selection given.

Starscreech dipped his head in acknowledgement, and the crowd cheered.

"Very well!" Blackstar meowed into the pole thing. Asteroidpelt could tell that Blackstar was very happy with his decision. "Now that we have a leader, deputy, and medicine cat, I believe we're ready to launch."

A thin bridge extended from the exterior of the Space C.L.A.N. and a small, cat-sized hatch opened up at the end of it.

"Good luck, brave warriors," Firestar purred to all of them. We will guide you along the way through monitors aboard the ship."

Asteroidpelt hardly understood that last sentence, but before he could ask about it, all four clan leaders began padding back to their respective clan doors.

The only thing left to do here was get into the ship and wait for Firestar's "guidance."

All five cats walked nervously up the ramp, but stopped just before getting through the door. Asteroidpelt took a moment to wonder why nobody was moving, before realization took place.

_These cats are just as scared as I am._

He gulped, if cats could even do that, then padded through the door. What he saw inside amazed him to no bounds.

The top of the ship was like a glass dome, with several strips of metal running along it in radial symmetry to strengthen it. There were five chairs on the… wall?

Moondust seemed to materialize beside him. "The ship will fly horizontally in space, so the wall will be the floor."

That made a little sense. If the wall was the floor in space, then this ship actually looked like it was designed intelligently.

There were five raised chairs before the glass dome. Each one had a little walkway leading up to it. The one in the middle was slightly higher than the rest. And the one immediately to its right was somewhere in between.

_Oh, the leader and deputy's seats._

There was an entire cabinet filled with medicinal supplies on the left side of the room. Moondust's station, no doubt.

On the right side of the room, there was a line of… kittypet bowls? Each had a few buttons above it that said something like "Water," or "Food Pellets."

_Oh, Starclan. I'd much rather starve than eat like a kittypet._

At the back of the room (which at the moment, was part of the floor), was a lone doorway. He'd find what it led to sooner or later.

And in the center of the room…

The cats that designed all of this just loved putting some breathtaking thing as a centerpiece. It looked like some kind of circular table, except there were wispy lights floating above it.

"W-what is that?" He heard Oortcloud mew.

Suddenly, one of the monitors flickered to life. Firestar's face was on its surface. "That is an incomplete map of the universe, Oortcloud. We will not be able to live on Earth forever, because of twoleg pollution. You must visit as many planets as possible, recording data from each. When you find a planet capable of sustaining life, your mission will be complete."

_So _that _was the cause of all this. Two-legs are ruining our world without even thinking of the harm they cause._

"That actually makes perfect sense." Cometfur muttered.

Asteroidpelt suddenly heard a very loud roar.

"Brace for lift-off, Mappers," Firestar meowed.

The roof above Space C.L.A.N. slid apart, revealing a deep blue ceiling. _That almost looked like…_

A large fish swam across the ceiling above them.

…_The lake? How- how is that possible?_

"Science!" Firestar shouted from the monitor on the wall, as if he was reading Asteroidpelt's thoughts.

The room suddenly filled with an orange glow. The light entered the ship through both the dome and portholes along the wall.

"Don't worry about the audience," said an excited Firestar. "They've been evacuated. And don't be afraid of the lift-off. The ride is really smooth! You don't even need to be strapped down."

That wasn't very encouraging. Just the roar of the engine alone caused Asteroidpelt's teeth to vibrate. The roar got louder and louder, until he felt the force of gravity work extra hard on him. He looked up to see the underside of the lake. It looked as though it were falling towards him. As the dome of the ship collided with the water, the room quickly changed from an orange glow, to a peaceful blue.

As the water washed over the dome, the room was lit by a blast of sunlight. Asteroidpelt rushed over to a porthole. Outside, he could see the Thunderclan camp from the sky. An angle he had never seen it from before.

For a moment he felt a horrible ache in his heart. Homesickness. This entire day had been so rushed. He almost felt as though he had been forced to do this.

_Oh wait; I _had_ been forced to do this._

_But the continuation of the clans might depend on this mission if twolegs really do destroy the Earth._

As the rocket propelled itself from the Earth's surface, Asteroidpelt couldn't help but remember Firestar's speech.

"_If I could describe Asteroidpelt in a few words, they would surely be: Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, and friendly. All the qualities a clan leader should be. In the past, all four clan leaders agreed that the next leader of Space C.L.A.N. would be from Thunderclan. I feel that Asteroidpelt was destined to be that leader. He will not disappoint me or the other cats on the mission, and that is why I have chosen Asteroidpelt to fulfill such great responsibilities aboard Space C.L.A.N."_

To be honest, Asteroidpelt wasn't sure he was the right cat for the job. He might've been those four words Firestar used to describe him, but he also wasn't many things. It kind of hurt to think that Firestar was so confident in him.

_I'll try not to disappoint you._

He looked to his left to see Cometfur, Moondust, Oortcloud, and Starscreech.

_And I'll try not to disappoint them, either._


	2. E101pt2: Catnapped

**Author's Note:  
If you didn't understand what I meant by "episodic," here's a brief explanation: The series will be like a written TV show. The entire series is about the cats trying to solve a big problem, but each individual episode/chapter is about a smaller struggle/conflict. This isn't done very often on Fanfiction, so hopefully things will go well. It makes the story unique, at least! **

**I didn't expect this chapter to be much longer than chapter 1, yet it's almost 2,000 words longer! I think it flows better as well. **

**Enjoy chapter 2! (E101.5 = Season 1 Episode 1 Part 2)**

* * *

Space C.L.A.N.

E101.5: Catnapped

* * *

As Space C.L.A.N. hurtled through Earth's upper atmosphere, the atmosphere of the ship changed as well. The bright light entering through the portholes and dome faded to darkness.

Asteroidpelt was still staring through the porthole. He would've kept staring had his feet not stopped touching the ground. He looked down to find himself being lifted off the ground by some kind of invisible force. He looked to the other Mappers, and found them hovering around as well. Before they had a chance to panic, they suddenly fell to the wall, which as Moondust had predicted, was now the floor.

"Artificial gravity established," said a deep, metallic voice. It seemed to reverberate around the entire room, as the speeches and Clan Anthem had back on Earth.

Asteroidpelt sat up on his haunches. The ship had turned to its right for unknown reasons, allowing him to see Earth out of the porthole. He just realized how small the lake was compared to the rest of the world.

_But how much smaller would the lake seem compared to the universe? _He wondered.

He still had the feeling of heartache as he watched his home from so far away.

"Ahem."

He turned to see his clan looking at him. They were expecting something from him. He looked to Starscreech.

"Aren't you going to tell us what to do?" He hissed under his breath.

_Oh, right!_

He padded over to the map at the center of the room. He tried moving the stars around with his paw as he had seen Firestar do with the screen in the room where he got his uniform. Nothing happened.

"It's voice activated," Moondust purred, as if correcting a stupid mistake made by a kit.

"Right…" Asteroidpelt muttered. He really didn't know what to say to the machine. "Uh, find the nearest star?" He hadn't meant to, but he said it in more of a questioning tone than a commanding one.

"Sure- thing- Asteroidpelt," the machine said back. It said it in a strange way, as if every word was said separately from the rest of the sentence.

The Mappers were all still getting over the disbelief of the launch, the fact that they were in space, and for some, the upset stomach from a Forest Dew drinking contest taken to the extreme. A talking table wasn't the weirdest thing they've seen in the past few hours.

The map of glittering stars suddenly seemed to zoom in. The amount of stars they could see on the map plummeted. Asteroidpelt saw a red dot fly by with the words "you are here" above it. As the zooming stopped, a ball of yellow light became visible.

A group of letters appeared above the sphere. "The Sun."

"The sun is a star?" Cometfur asked. "It's huge compared to the others."

"Actually- the- Sun- is- just- very- close- to- the- Earth," the machine began. "The- Sun- is- just- like- any- other- star- except- it- is- very- far- away- from- all- the- others."

"My entire life is a lie…" Oortcloud mewed, remembering many moments throughout his life where he so surely believed that the Sun was just _the Sun._

Asteroidpelt sure was surprised. Just this morning he had watched the sun rise over the mountains surrounding the lake. If you would've told him that the Sun was actually a star, he would've said something like, "Silly apprentice, you must have bees in your brain!"

"Okay, are there any planets other than Earth near the Sun?"

The map of stars zoomed out, revealing nine planets lined up next to the sun. A holographic arrow appeared above the innermost one, and the machine said, "Mercury." The arrow moved along the line of planets. "Venus- Earth- Mars- Jupiter- Saturn- Uranus- Neptune."

"Alright. Which planet should we try first?" Asteroidpelt looked to his fellow Mappers. They were about to speak, but the machine cut them off.

"It- has- already- been- confirmed- by- twolegs- that- no- planets- in- this- solar system- can- sustain- life."

"Well, what do the twolegs know?" Starscreech growled. "They're destroying their own planet as we speak."

"They've had technology for much more time than us, Starscreech," Moondust mewed in her signature sure-to-calm-you-down voice. "They know a lot more than we do at the moment. Asteroidpelt, if I could make a suggestion, we should find a different solar system. There is greater possibility that we will find a suitable planet in a different system."

Asteroidpelt was more than willing to take her advice. She's obviously been developing her own leadership skills with the amount of superiority the role of medicine cat had given her back in Riverclan. And Asteroidpelt... Well, he hadn't been clan leader for more than a day.

He nodded. "Find the nearest system that twolegs haven't discovered."

"Calculating…" The machine said. "By- the- way-, you- can- call- me- Mr. Jingles."

Asteroidpelt saw Cometfur stifling a laugh. He wondered why Oortcloud wasn't laughing beside her, before he noticed the warrior was completely zoned out. He padded over to him. "Uh, Oortcloud?"

A small, flying insect landed on Oortcloud's eyeball. Oortcloud still stood there, completely oblivious to the bug.

"Is this normal for him?"

The other cats aboard the ship shrugged.

"I've talked to him at Gatherings before," Cometfur mewed, no longer laughing. "He's quite strange, really."

Oortcloud came out of the trance to shoot Cometfur a glare- still ignoring the bug- before staring back off into space.

_Alrighty then! _Asteroidpelt thought. He turned to Starscreech. "You haven't spoken much. Any ideas?"

"I would recommend slapping him back into reality," Starscreech meowed helpfully.

"Actually, I meant with the mission."

"Oh. I think Moondust's suggestion was fine."

_Alright, my clan deputy and medicine cat both agree to go to another system. Now, what to do…_

"Convenient- solar system- located," said Mr. Jingles. "Activate- paw- scanner- to- initiate- hyper drive."

Asteroidpelt looked to his clan, getting their last-minute approval before gently placing his paw on the scanner.

They waited in eerie silence for a few moments. Asteroidpelt half-expected to suddenly feel jerked backwards by the force of the C.L.A.N. moving forward. Instead, they heard a crash near the back of the ship.

"Unexpected- error. Mr. Jingles- shutting- doooowwwn." The machine shut off dramatically. All the lights in the bridge suddenly faded away, plunging the room into darkness. Each star on the map of the universe blinked out individually. The only remaining dot of light was the "you are here" one, but it shortly followed the others and disappeared.

"What's happening?" Cometfur voiced everyone's thoughts.

The Space C.L.A.N. shook violently, and it felt as though they were moving backwards.

"Wait a minute," said Oortcloud. "So, all stars look like the sun up close?"

Asteroidpelt ignored him. He rushed over to dome of glass at the front of the ship and looked out into space. Something extremely weird was happening. It looked as though steel walls were closing around their ship. "Moondust, come look at this," he called.

There was no reason for her to walk over to the glass window. You could plainly see what was happening from the map centerpiece where Moondust stood.

"What the Dark Forest is that?"

The walls were still closing in; only a small fraction of space was visible now. On the left wall, the word "RED," was written in bold. On the right was the word, "GIANT." Asteroidpelt didn't know why, but he felt that something _very _bad was happening. He didn't want the stars to be covered up by whatever _that_ was. Finally, the huge walls met each other. The words on the walls were now forming "RED GIANT." _Whatever that meant._

Just as quick as it had begun, the backwards pull on the ship stopped.

The Mappers were quiet. They didn't know what to do, especially since they couldn't ask Mr. Jingles. Asteroidpelt wasn't sure what to say, let alone expect. He heard the pneumatic release of the ship's door open.

That was quite confusing. If the door was opening directly into space, how were they still alive?

The other Mappers decided to join Asteroidpelt at the front of the room, as far away from the door as possible. They couldn't see four mouse-lengths in front of their noses, which made it quite difficult to reach their destination.

They all stood there in pure terror, their fur standing on-end.

_Trust me; if you were in a ship with no lights on, in space, and the door leading outside just suddenly _opened, _you'd be just as scared._

Cometfur was getting tired of the suspense. She was about to call out into the darkness before an obnoxiously loud stomping sound echoed throughout the room.

The cats cringed. The sound got closer.

They were about to make a run for it, but had fallen unconscious with a heavy whack to the head.

* * *

Asteroidpelt awoke from his second unexpected nap in the past twenty-four hours. He had expected to see his familiar den upon awakening. _It's all just a dream, _he concluded. _A nightmare._

But to his utter disappointment and fear, he found himself in a barred cage. The cage was in some kind of box like the rise-fall mechanism back on Earth, except this one was a much duller grey. Upon closer examination, he saw that the room was littered with roaches, cobwebs, and disgusting trash. The room hadn't been cleaned in a _long_ time.

There was a round bowl of water in the far corner of the cage. He padded over to it, and took a tongue-full. It tasted metallic, and stung his throat going down. Wincing, he kept lapping it up. He knew he needed water. When was the last time he had a drink?

He couldn't tell time now that the sun was out of view. Even if it was in view, it probably wouldn't be the same as back on Earth. How long had he been asleep?

He heard groaning from somewhere else in the room. Startled, he backed into the corner of the cage against the wall.

"Moondust?" The voice spoke. It was hoarse, like Asteroidpelt's voice probably was. It sounded feminine, but Moondust wouldn't be calling for herself, would she?

"Cometfur? Is that you?" Asteroidpelt called into the darkness.

"No! This is Starscreech," Cometfur replied sarcastically.

"Are we the only cats in here?"

It took a moment for Cometfur to respond. She probably scanned the room for other cages, even though you couldn't see well in the dark room. "I think I see Oortcloud in a cage next to mine."

"Can you try to wake him up?" Half of Asteroidpelt's mind was intent on solving their current problem, yet the other half was thinking about what had happened to them on the bridge of Space C.L.A.N. They couldn't still be aboard Space C.L.A.N, could they? And what the Dark Forest had entered their ship?

He was brought out of his thoughts as Oortcloud gained consciousness. He said the cliché phrase, "Where am I?"

"We don't know," Cometfur mewed to him. "But we _need_ to get out of here."

"How do you propose we do that?" said Starscreech, causing all of the other cats to jump out of their pelt.

"Since when have you been awake?" Asteroidpelt exclaimed. Starscreech's cage was right next to his own, so the unexpected voice had frightened him most of all.

"I awoke to the scent of waffles cooking. Do you not smell them?"

Asteroidpelt took a whiff of air. He had been trying as hard as possible not to breathe because of the horrible smell the trashy room had developed. Under the strong smell of rotten garbage, he indeed smelled something sweet.

"Hey," Oortcloud meowed excitedly. "I smell them! Waffles are so delicious!"

Asteroidpelt was still wondering what a _waffle _was.

They heard Moondust groan, "Is that waffles?"

_Why am I the only one that doesn't know about waffles?_

"I hope they're for us!" Oortcloud was jumping up and down in his cage.

"I wouldn't get my hopes up," Cometfur hissed. "Anything that knocks cats unconscious and puts them in cages in such a filthy room surely wouldn't serve waffles for breakfast."

A light flickered to life outside of the room. The light flowing through a barred door allowed the cats to see more of their surroundings. Asteroidpelt and Starscreech's cages were against the middle of the wall, the door to their left. Cometfur and Oortcloud were both in the corner farthest from the door. Moondust was half-way between the two pairs of cages.

The smell of waffles suddenly became stronger, causing everyone's belly to rumble.

"Wait a minute." Oortcloud meowed to himself. "Is that…"

"Can it be?" Cometfur was now just as excited as Oortcloud.

"Bacon!" They both shouted.

Asteroidpelt simply lay down, waiting for something to happen. He stared into the dimly lit room, thinking to himself, _will I ever see Thunderclan again?_ Through his dazed, trance-like dream state, he caught a glimpse of Oortcloud padding through the room, towards the door. He snapped out of his thoughts. "_How did you do that!?"_

"I walked through the bars," Oortcloud meowed emotionlessly.

Asteroidpelt stood up and ran to the bars, trying to push his way through. He didn't get through past his shoulders. "Oortcloud! Go get help!"

"Yes, bacon and waffles will help all of us. They will solve all of our problems." Oortcloud stood at the barred door in some kind of hypnotic trance.

"Oortcloud," Cometfur hissed loudly. "You _better_ bring me back something." She was furiously trying to fit her shoulders through the bars on her own cage. Cometfur was the second smallest Mapper, so that confirmed that none of them but Oortcloud could fit.

"Oortcloud, come over here and try to unlock the cage," Asteroidpelt called. "We'll go get waffles _together,_" he quickly added.

"I'm sorry guys, but… _waffles."_ Oortcloud wore a sad expression. He then squeezed through the bars on the door.

The cats waited in silence. There was a possibility that Oortcloud would come back. He was so unpredictable, though.

They sat like this for quite some time. Just when the smell of food became unbearable, and Cometfur began banging her head against the cage's bars, the door opened with a squeak. A large tabby tom walked in. The cats in the cages sat up.

"Welcome, welcome," The strange cat yowled joyfully. "You must be the crew of Space C.L.A.N. Which one of you is the leader?"

"I-I am," Asteroidpelt spoke up.

"Then, 'leader of Space C.L.A.N,' would you and your crew care to have breakfast with me?"

Cometfur gave him a look that said, "If you say no I'll murder you in your sleep."

"We'd love to," Asteroidpelt meowed. He hated agreeing to be near this cat; he was creepy on many levels.

The tom smiled, showing rows of glistening teeth. He walked to each of their cages, unlocking them one by one. "You look like you've all worked up quite the appetite. Come." He padded out of the room.

_Did he not notice Oortcloud was missing?_

The Mappers exchanged confused looks before following him through the doorway.

The bright light outside the room caused them to squint. They had been trapped in darkness for hours; the sudden transition to light wasn't exactly comfortable. But it was welcome.

"This is my ship, the 'Red Giant,'" said the strange… stranger.

They were walking down a brightly lit hallway, with many doors and corridors on the left. On the right, there were small portholes along the wall. Looking out, Asteroidpelt saw stars beyond the glass.

_Good, we're still in space. Or is that a good thing?_

The smell of waffles and bacon became stronger as they walked through the hall, before they turned left into a room. An amazing room. All the Mappers cared about at the moment was what the table in the room held. There were plates lined up along the edge of the table, each with waffles stacked a tail-length high. There was a smaller mountain of bacon beside each.

"Have I died and gone to Starclan?" Cometfur mewed in disbelief.

_-Meanwhile-_

Oortcloud padded causally through the ship with only the distinct smell of waffles to guide him. He was actually regretting what he had said to Asteroidpelt back there. A part of him wanted to share the waffles with his friends, but another part said he must have the Precious all to himself. Wait. What did he just call them?

He shrugged it away. The smell was getting stronger now. He walked into a door on his left to find some kind of weird cat-sized cafeteria. What was occupying the room was the weird part.

There were robotic cats eating waffles at various tables, being served by robotic lunch ladies.

He stood there, staring. Nobody seemed to notice his presence.

_I guess I'll just grab a plate._ He walked over to the serving line. There were waffle, bacon, and waffle-bacon serving lunch ladies. They all looked at him weird, as if he had just broken a rule of some kind.

The line was almost empty, except for one other robo-cat ahead of him.

"I- do- not- recognize- you." The robo-cat talked strangely, like Mr. Jingles back on Space C.L.A.N. "Wait- a- minute." He reached to Oortcloud and poked his skin. "Gasp. You- are- a- squishy."

"Indeed I am," Oortcloud hissed, offended. "That was pretty racist."

Instead of replying, the robo-cat sat back on his haunches. His eyes blinked a bright red, and a horrible alarm began going off from a microphone in his maw. All the faces in the room swiveled to look at him. Some of them must have needed some oil, because there was a loud screech as they all turned.

"_Squishy!"_ they all yelled at once, before abandoning their meals and racing towards Oortcloud.

Oortcloud yowled in surprise. He tried running away, but there were robo-cats coming from all directions. They crowded around him, holding him there until they parted to let an organic cat walk through the crowd.

"Go fetch me _the sack of doom_," The cat said to his robotic minions.

* * *

The four Mappers in the dining room munched their bacon and waffles viciously. They were starved, and you didn't even get food like this around the lake back on Earth.

Asteroidpelt wanted to ask the cat something like, "Why did you lock us in cages in such a filthy room but are giving us breakfast now?"

He decided not to ask yet. _At least until they were all full and rested._ "Who are you?" He didn't see any harm in that question.

"I am Scorpiontail," the cat meowed through mouthfuls of food. "I was the leader of the first group of catstronauts. We launched just before the clans made the Great Journey."

Asteroidpelt was surprised. This cat had lived in the forest, before the clans had to move to the lake. He didn't look as old as he apparently was.

"The ship's air is purified. No twoleg pollution to breath has slightly lengthened my life-span."

Asteroidpelt felt it was a good time to bring up the room. "The air in that room you stowed us in sure didn't smell purified."

"Indeed. I am sorry," Scorpiontail gave a look of true regret. "My brother is cruel; he stole your ship and locked you in there."

"He stole our ship?!"

"Well, not exactly," Scorpiontail swallowed a mouthful of food in order to talk understandably. "Your ship is being stored in the hull of the Red Giant. My brother harpooned your ship, then tugged you into the loading dock."

"Well, can we have it back?" Moondust mewed in suspense.

The cats at the table all looked to Scorpiontail in anticipation. "I-I don't know. My brother would not be happy if I gave it back."

"Why does he want us here anyway?" hissed Starscreech. He obviously wanted to get back to the mission. _No more distractions!_

"One of you might be important to him… Can you, tell me your names?"

One by one, Scorpiontail looked from cat to cat, who said their name blankly.

"Cometfur."

"Starscreech."

"Moondust."

His gaze rested on Asteroidpelt.

"Asteroidpelt," he muttered.

Scorpiontail convulsed.

_-A Moment Before the Cats Were Invited to Breakfast-_

Oortcloud had been stuffed into a sack by the organic cat. He decided not to waste his energy with pointless struggling. It felt like he had been dragged across the floor for hours, before the bag came to a stop.

"If you don't want me to hurt your ship mates, you had better do exactly as I say," said the cat. "I might even give you some waffles." He then cut the rope holding the bag closed, letting a battle-ready Oortcloud leap out.

Oortcloud was about to attack his _catnapper, _but saw that he was flanked by two robo-cats. He couldn't possibly take all three of them on at once, could he?

"Stand in the center platform," the cat commanded.

Oortcloud sighed, then did so. There was an outlined circle in the very middle of the circular room. As soon as he sat down inside the circle, two hollowed out semi-cones rose from the ground and closed around his body, forming a cone shape. When the two halves met each other- capturing Oortcloud-, a small hole opened at the top. Oortcloud poked his head out. "What is this?"

"It's a 'DNA Lockdown Chamber.'"

As he said this, an unseen syringe took a sample of Oortcloud's DNA, causing him to wince. Two lethal-looking cannons lowered down from the ceiling, pointed at him.

"The cannons track your DNA. If they sense part of you outside that circle, you'll be turned to a pile of bones and fluff." The organic cat looked very pleased with himself. "Now, if you'll excuse me-" the tom's body convulsed for a split second. When he looked back to Oortcloud, his expression was less intimidating somehow. "…I have a breakfast to attend."

As the cat walked back through the automated door, the rob-cats left his side and stood guard beside a control panel.

Oortcloud took a moment to test out the cannon's DNA tracking. He shook his head violently, and was impressed to see that the cannons jolted back and forth, following his movements.

He nodded his head. The cannons followed. He shook his head. The cannons followed. He stuck out his tongue. The cannons followed the movements of his tongue.

"Hey, robo-cat!" He called. "I have to tell you a very important secret about my ship mates. Your leader's life might be in danger!"

The robo-cats looked at each other. One of them shrugged its shoulders, then padded over to Oortcloud. It stopped a few tail-lengths from him.

"Come closer. I just don't want my fellow Mappers to know I told you this."

The robo-cat walked forward. It leaned into the circle to listen to Oortcloud's "secret."

Instead of giving the metal cat some kind of hint at his clan's weakness or whatever it was expecting, he leaned forward and licked its face.

Realizing what had was happening; the cat jumped back and tried to run back to his post with his buddy, who gave him a look that said, "don't come any closer, you mouse-brain!" The cannons turned and fired, just as Oortcloud had expected. The two robo-cats were obliterated, along with the panel on the wall.

Oortcloud's original intentions had been to destroy a robo-cat because he was bored and wanted to watch something explode, but as an added bonus, the cone split apart and the canons drooped down.

_That panel must've been important, _he thought.

He padded out of the circle and walked through the door as if he owned the place. He eventually came to an elevator. Stepping inside, he looked at the buttons on the wall. He pressed the one that said "bridge."

* * *

"Asteroidpelt," he muttered.

Scorpiontail convulsed. After composing himself, he gave Asteroidpelt a look of pure hatred. "So, _you're _the one who's destined to save the clans."

Asteroidpelt was confused. Not only at what Scorpiontail had said, but his behavior. "I'm destined to save the clans?"

"Oh, yes. Starclan sent a prophecy to the Red Giant's medicine cat. I'm afraid Firestar chose you for your bloodline, not for your qualities."

_So Firestar didn't choose me because of my qualities? _Asteroidpelt wondered. But why should he believe anything this cat had to tell him? "I want to talk to someone else on this ship. Preferably the medicine cat you mentioned."

Scorpiontail chuckled darkly. "They're all dead. Except for one, who is probably living on Earth at the moment."

The Mappers sat in silence for a while.

"How did they all… die?" Cometfur wore a serious face for the time being. Even she realized how important this conversation was.

"They made their choice," Scorpiontail said, simply.

"You killed them?" Moondust meowed in shock.

"Yes. I, Scorpiustail, brought down my own crew of Mappers. They were an un-loyal bunch, anyway. I hated them…"

_Scorpiustail? _Asteroidpelt pondered. "Didn't you say your name was-"

"My name is Scorpiustail! Scorpiontail is merely my idiot brother." The cat's body convulsed again.

"I am _not _an idiot!" He convulsed again.

"Stay out of this, Scorpiontail!"

_This cat has some severe psychological problems…_

"I think he's lived alone in space for too long," Cometfur whispered into Moondust's ear.

"Warning: Unauthorized Access to the Bridge," said the ship's speaker.

Scorpiontail or Scorpiustail- _whichever-_ looked up in surprise. "Guards!" he called.

Two metal cats walked through the door, to the Mappers' surprise.

"Do not allow these cats to exit the room. I have an important matter to attend to."

The guards nodded. Scorpiustail padded quickly out of the room.

Cometfur went back to eating waffles. The other three Mappers stood away from the table.

Asteroidpelt just noticed the décor around the room. There were framed photos of the ship's last crew. He walked over to one of them, surprised at what he saw. There were about a dozen cats lined up shoulder to shoulder. He saw Scorpiustail standing in the middle.

It looked as though someone had drawn a crown on Scorpiustail with crayons. _ He was obnoxiously proud to be the leader of the mission._

The tom to his left had drawn-on cross eyes and buck teeth. _He hated his deputy._

An "X'" was drawn over every cat's face but the three in the middle. Scorpiustail, his deputy, and another she-cat. Something happened between the three cats…

Moondust padded to Asteroidpelt's side. "We need to get out of here."

Asteroidpelt nodded. "We outnumber the guards four to two."

"But I have almost no training," Moondust countered. "A medicine cat isn't trained like a warrior."

"You can be a distraction. Starscreech can take one; Cometfur and I will take the other."

Moondust considered it. "Alright... What do we do if we escape?"

"You mean, _when_ we escape."

The white she-cat nodded; though she still wasn't convinced it would be an easy battle.

"When we escape, we'll rescue Oortcloud, then find Space C.L.A.N." Asteroidpelt sounded more confident than he felt. Even if they did escape, how would they know where to find Oortcloud?

"I'll go tell Cometfur," Moondust meowed.

Asteroidpelt was left next to the modified photo on the wall. _And I guess I'll go tell Starscreech. _He padded over to the opposite side of the room, where Starscreech admired another framed photo.

"Do you think you can beat one of those things in battle?" Asteroidpelt said nervously, gesturing to the two robo-cats.

"I thought you'd never ask!" The grouchy warrior purred. This marked the first time Asteroidpelt had heard a purr come from the tom.

Asteroidpelt looked over to the two guards. They were thin, resembling walking skeletons. They didn't look very heavy, which would be a weakness in a fight.

They had many advantaged as well, though. Robots couldn't feel pain. Their metal skin would be impossible to bite down on or scratch. They looked slightly larger than an ordinary cat, despite their thin structure.

Inside, Asteroidpelt just wanted to lie down and fall asleep again. Everything was so weird. He was reminded of his earlier assumption that this was all a dream. _Maybe it was._

Outside, he kept his cool. He had to be strong; at least for the lives of the other Mappers. He looked to Moondust and Cometfur. They both dipped their head in silent acknowledgement. _It's time._

All four cats slowly made their way to the door. One of the robo-cats said, "Don't- try- anything" without looking at any of the cats. He just stared off into space, reminding the Mappers of Oortcloud.

Asteroidpelt signaled to attack with only a flick of his tail. Starscreech tackled the one on the left; he and Cometfur tackled the one on the right. The room was suddenly filled with the sound of mechanical whirring and cats screaming. Tufts of fur flew around the room, and the scraping of claws against metal rang in all the Mapper's ears.

The first thing Asteroidpelt noticed about the robots was that they were much stronger than they looked. Every time he got a good grip on his enemy's leg, he was just slung off with the cat's pure strength. He tried biting down once, but he felt his teeth would break before the hard metal.

Cometfur wasn't having as much luck. There was no place for her teeth to get a good grip. At one point, she sat back and hit the robot as hard as she could on the head. The cat hardly flinched. Cometfur would be limping for the following days…

Moondust wasn't much help. She ran around the battling cats, yowling, "Oh! I think I see an opening- it's gone."

Starscreech was on his back, holding the razor-sharp jaws of a robo-cat away from his throat with all his effort. With a grunt, he put all his energy into a push with his hind legs and rolled backwards. The pair of cats rolled. Starscreech was now on top, with the vicious "cat of steel" below him.

Starscreech expected the cat to try and take a bite out of his throat again. Instead, the cat's gleaming red eyes faded to darkness. It stopped struggling.

The dark tom stopped forcing his weight onto the robot. It fell to its side. He saw an "ON/OFF" switch on the cat's back, just below his neck. It was set to the "OFF" setting.

He briefly thanked the stupidity of the mech's designer, then looked to his clan mates. Cometfur was on her back with the robot pinning her down, just as Starscreech had been before. She might've gotten her throat ripped out had Moondust not been pulling on the robot's tail with her jaw, preventing the cat from leaning forward. Asteroidpelt sat in front of the robot and Cometfur, slapping the metal cat's face back and forth.

_What pitiful fighters, _Starscreech thought, chuckling. He then dashed to their aid and set the switch from "ON" to "OFF." The cat stopped struggling, then collapsed onto Cometfur, who had the wind knocked from her.

The triumphant organic cats sat there for a few moments, panting. They had not been expecting the robots to be so strong.

"Thanks, Starscreech. We'd be crow-food without you," Asteriodpelt meowed between pants.

"We should find Oortcloud," Starscreech replied.

* * *

The cats dashed quickly through the hallways of the Red Giant. They needed to get away from Scorpiustail ASAP.

"Guys, look!" Cometfur called from behind the group.

The Mappers skidded to a halt. Cometfur sat next to a porthole on the wall. "I think I can see the cargo bay from here."

Asteroidpelt took a moment to look out the window. Sure enough, if you angled your head the right way, you could make out the edge of a large sphere at the bottom of the ship. It must have been what had closed around Space C.L.A.N. when they were abducted. "That's great, but we can't leave without Oortcloud. Even if he did leave us trapped in cages back there..."

"I know!" Cometfur sounded offended. "I wasn't suggesting we leave him. It's just so we have an idea of where to go when we find him."

"'We find him'? What if I found you?" Said an all-too familiar voice from behind them.

The cats turned. In one of the doorways along the left wall stood Oortcloud! _What are the odds?_

The cats ran over and greeted him.

"How did you find us?" Moondust meowed happily, yet questioningly.

"You didn't bring me any waffles!" Cometfur hadn't forgotten her earlier request.

"I thought you'd been enslaved by Scorpiustail!"

The cats turned to look at Starscreech, but not even his depressing thought could bring them down. Things were looking up for them. They were all back together and the disturbed leader of the Red Giant was investigating the bridge.

_All that needs to be done now is get to Space C.L.A.N. and leave. _

* * *

The cats stood in a descending rise-fall mechanism that Oortcloud had led them to. There was a button labeled "Cargo Bay," which Oortcloud had childishly asked to press for Asteroidpelt. The only sound in the small room was repetitive elevator music.

They stood there for what seemed like ages until the door finally opened and the cats fled out. The room they were in was absolutely huge. Imagine standing in a sphere, with many space ships suspended by wires from the ceiling. It looked like a twoleg air and space museum.

The floor was wide open, allowing the cats to walk freely in search of their ship. They had split up to cover more ground. They would've found it easily had there not been so many similar spacecraft. All of them had a clan symbol on the side. For a moment, Asteroidpelt wondered if Scorpiustail had made them, or stolen them. Most likely the latter.

"I think this is it," called Cometfur from the center of the room.

They all padded towards her. Sure enough, the ship she was looking at had the words "Space C.L.A.N." written across the side. There was no need for her to say "I think." This was definitely their ship.

"How do we get up there?" Asked Asteroidpelt.

"Just- say- the- magic- word." The cats looked around in surprise, expecting to see another robo-cat.

"I'm- up- here- mouse-brains." It was Mr. Jingles!

"Can you get us up there?" Called Starscreech.

"Luckily- my- creators- thought- it- would- be- wise- to- install- a- second- extendable- walkway." The first time the ship had extended the walkway it had been facing upwards. Now that the ship was on its side, a different walkway extended from the side of the door, meaning the cats could walk up it normally.

_Whoever designed this was a genius, _thought Asteroidpelt.

Just then, the elevator door opened and a very angry Scorpiustail stepped out. "Stop them!" He yowled as five robo-cats followed him out of the elevator.

"Everybody aboard," Asteroidpelt hissed. There was no need to say it, though. The cats were already rushing onto the ship. Another thing about those metal cats is that they were _very _fast. They Mappers could hear the whirring of robotic movements get closer as they tried to squeeze through the door all at once.

Finally they all managed to get through the door with a _pop_. "Shut the door," Moondust said to Mr. Jingles. The ship's computer did so. The door shut just as one of the robo-cat's head came through the door and chopped it off. The head landed on the floor with a "clank."

"Mappers inferior, Scorpiustail superior," The robo-cat said before his eyes flickered off.

"Mr. Jingles! Get us out of here!" Asteroidpelt finally found himself speaking to the machine in a commanding tone of voice.

A hatch opened up on the top of the ship and a mounted laser cannon rose out. It blasted a panel near the rise-fall mechanism, causing all the robo-cats and Scorpiustail to begin floating around.

Scorpiustail, who must've chickened out, comically swam back to the rise-fall mechanism's door, shouting: "Guards! Do not fail me!" He pressed a button inside the elevator. "If you do fail, I'll rip out your circuitry and shove it up your-"

The door to the rise-fall mechanism cut off his voice as it closed shut.

Now that the room had gone back to zero gravity, the Space C.L.A.N. turned in place, so it was facing the "RED GIANT" written on the wall. That was what they had seen when they were abducted! The ship's laser blasted a hole in the cargo bay doors, letting in the vacuum of space. The robo-cats, who had still been trying to break through the Space C.L.A.N.'s door, were sucked out the side of the room.

The Mappers wore a look of utter amazement. Mr. Jingles was following orders perfectly! They didn't even have to do anything except worry that something would go wrong. Luckily, nothing did. The ship kicked into full gear and ripped through the hole in the wall.

Free at last!

"Would- you- like- me- to- travel- to- previously- set- coordinates?" Inquired Mr. Jingles.

"Yes," Asteroidpelt purred. They were back on track with the mission and everyone was still intact. You know, he might actually be fit to lead. The only thing that had gone wrong in that little hassle was Oortcloud completely abandoning them in those cages. He turned to the grey warrior. "You… left us back there."

"Sorry, but… you know. _Waffles and bacon," _Oortcloud looked at them as though he had done nothing wrong.

None of the other cats looked pleased with his excuse.

"Asteroidpelt, can you make the ship turn ninety degrees?" The grey warrior mumbled.

Asteroidpelt didn't know what to do. Scorpiustail could've already begun following them. He looked to his clan. They shrugged. He looked to Oortcloud. The apprentice gave a pleading look in his eyes.

"Oh, alright. Mr. Jingles, make a ninety degree turn."

The ship turned.

Oortcloud padded over to a porthole on the side of the ship. "Look!"

The other cats padded over. The Red Giant was facing away from the Space C.L.A.N. It took them a while to notice it, but they saw that the "RED" in "RED GIANT" had been painted over. A new word was sloppily painted on after "GIANT."

Mouse-brain. "GIANT MOUSE-BRAIN."

The Mappers all laughed.

"How did you do that?" Moondust questioned.

"I took a little space walk with a spray can," said Oortcloud mischievously.

And with that, the ship turned back on course and flew into deep space. There were pending adventures in a new solar system…

* * *

Scorpiontail sat in the bridge of his ship. His guests had left. He was alone again. The only thing he could do was continue drifting through the depths of space.

"This wouldn't have happened if you would have stayed out of this," Scorpiustail hissed from somewhere in his mind. "I suggested we kill the grey one, but no! You had to have mercy and lock him up."

Scorpiontail didn't listen to the voice. Instead he padded over to a control panel and turned on his iPawd. He scrolled through the list of songs until he came to his favorite. "On Melancholy Hill" by the Kittiez. He hit "play" and let the peaceful song sooth him.

Everything went well until the lyrics started up. Instead of the normal singer, it sounded like little kits were singing the song.

"What the-"

He took a second glance at his iPawd, and found that all his songs had been replaced by the Kitzbop version.

Scorpiontail's eye twitched. Pure rage and anger crept through his body. He convulsed.

"Now that I'm back in control, let's pursue the mouse-brains." Scorpiustail walked over to a steering wheel in the middle of the room. He grasped it with his paws and turned sharply.

"Asteroidpelt and I have some unfinished business. He plays a bigger role in all this than he thinks." He briefly remembered what Oortcloud had done to his collection of songs. "And when I get my hands on Oortcloud…"

End of Episode 1

* * *

**A/N:  
Enjoying the story? You can make my week and pressure me to post chapters sooner with that little review button down there! I'll accept and answer any questions you have regarding the story, as long as you don't ask for spoilers. ;P **


	3. E102: Refueling

**A/N: Sorry for the wait, guys. I've been very busy lately with school and other hobbies. I think I can even blame some of it on my first case of writer's block with this story. Not fun… I'm determined to finish this story though, since my last one was a major fail. This summer I will have much more free time and can get chapters written faster.**

**This chapter is mainly filler, though I added a lot of humor to keep it interesting.**

**Enjoy Episode 2 of this ridiculous parody!**

* * *

Space C.L.A.N.

E102: Refueling

* * *

"Launching- planetary- probe." A small pod was launched from the ship towards the planet's surface. It caught fire hurtling through the atmosphere, but the scanners and technology were safe inside the cocoon-like outer shell.

After entering the atmosphere, the outer shell broke apart, allowing a parachute to slow the descent of the remaining technology. It landed with a _thump_. Beginning its work immediately, it took air samples, checked the surface temperature, measured amounts of oxygen in the air, et cetera.

_-Back on the orbiting Space C.L.A.N, five cats were just about to enjoy their first meal together-_

The kittypet food pellets poured into the bowls noisily. The Mappers all leaned forward and took an experimental bite. They all looked around at their fellow warriors, wondering if they should praise the food or show disgust.

"It's alright," said Asteroidpelt. "But it's sure no fresh squirrel."

"Squirrel?" Cometfur made a disgusted sound. "Too much fur."

"How would you know? You're a Riverclan cat!" Oortcloud meowed jokingly. He was right though. Riverclan mainly hunted fish.

"I snuck up on an old one, Oortcloud," Cometfur purred. She rolled her eyes.

"It probably had mange or something-"

"Planetary analysis complete."

The cats all turned to the ship's main monitor at the front of the ship. The screen showed just about everything you needed to know about the planet. A few of the statistics were written in green, probably meaning it was suitable for cats.

The majority was written in red, though. The surface temperature exceeded 140° C, there was little to no oxygen in the atmosphere, and the planet had absolutely no surface water.

"Maybe we can live here after our next stage of evolution," Oortcloud mewed.

The cats smiled. Leave it to Oortcloud to brighten up a dull moment.

"Alright, let's try the next planet," Asteroidpelt meowed.

"If- you- want, you- may- name- the- planet. Twolegs- have- yet- to- discover- it."

The Mappers looked to each other in glee. An entire planet and they were going to give it a name? That was pretty awesome.

"I vote for _Catworld!" _For the umpteenth time in a row, heads swiveled in a single direction. Oortcloud stood looking at the cats as if he was some kind of genius.

"_Catworld?" _Asteroidpelt face-pawed. "That's just- "

"The best idea ever!" Cometfur finished his sentence for him.

Moondust sighed. "This is serious. We need to give it a cool and serious name. Like… _Planet Zoltar!"_

"Zoltar?" Cometfur laughed as the word left her muzzle. "That's the cheesiest name I've ever heard!"

"It's better than Catworld, I'll tell you that!"

"Stop fighting, jeez." Asteroidpelt pushed himself between the two she-cats, who had been muzzle to muzzle and growling. "We'll settle this like mature cats."

The two siblings backed off, though their fur was still standing on-end.

"I agree with Moondust," Asteroidpelt continued. "This is a serious mission, for Starclan's sake. We can't go around naming planets such silly names."

_Zoltar is pretty silly, if you ask me, _Cometfur thought.

"Since Moondust and I vote for Zoltar, and you and Oortcloud vote for Catworld, Starscreech has the deciding vote."

The cats looked to Starscreech, who was quiet as always.

"Catworld," he muttered.

Cometfur and Oortcloud yowled in joy. Asteroidpelt and Moondust gave a huff of defeat.

Without the Mappers knowing it, five monitors at the front of the ship flickered to life. They were each hanging in front of the five raised seats where the cats sat. The clan leaders were on the screens.

"Mappers! Meeting formation," Called Firestar.

None of the cats knew what a "meeting formation" was, but they were intelligent enough to guess it meant "get to your seats."

The Mappers scrambled up the ramp leading to their respective seats. Firestar was in front of Asteroidpelt, Blackstar was in front of Starscreech, Onestar was in front of Oortcloud, and Leapordstar was in front of Cometfur.

Moondust had Mothwing, her mentor and the Riverclan senior medicine cat on the screen in front of her.

"We tried contacting you a few hours after launch but we couldn't establish a signal," Firestar began. "We feared the worst…"

"Well, we were catnapped by the psychotic leader of the Red Giant," Starscreech hissed.

The clan leaders all wore a look of shock.

"Scorpiustail is alive?" Blackstar asked, completely surprised.

"Very much alive," Asteroidpelt meowed. "He tried to steal our ship."

"What did he want from you?" Onestar questioned. He seemed to be looking over the Mappers for battle wounds.

"We're not entirely sure. But he had this weird split personality…" Cometfur's voice trailed off as she was remembering how creepy the cat was.

"But you escaped?" Firestar meowed.

Asteroidpelt gestured to the interior of the ship. "Obviously."

"Alright," Firestar meowed calmly. "Just make sure he doesn't capture you again. He won't make any mistake twice."

It took Asteroidpelt a few seconds to process this. "Wait. You think he's following us?"

"If his ship is capable of it, yes," Firestar mumbled. "Your ship is much faster though. The warp-speed technology wasn't stolen- I mean, invented, until we moved to the lake."

"Unsettling to think that a creeper is on our tail…" Oortcloud mewed.

Asteroidpelt looked to Moondust, who hadn't been participating in the conversation. She had been talking to Mothwing the entire time, oblivious to the meeting.

_Medicine cat business…_ He remembered what he had heard Jayfeather- Thunderclan's medicine cat- say so often in reply to Asteroidpelt's curiosity.

"Asteroidpelt," Firestar began. "Would you give me a full report of everything your team has done since escaping Scorpiustail?"

"Well," Asteroidpelt took in a lung-full of air. "Immediately after getting back aboard the Space C.L.A.N, we set the ship to warp-drive and flew to this solar system. So far we've recorded data for one planet and named it… _catworld."_ Asteroidpelt winced at the word. _So unprofessional._ "The planet is unsuitable for sustaining life."

Firestar nodded. "You really need to hurry. I can tell that the increasing twoleg population will result in more pollution. It's already become slightly hotter over the years."

Leapordstar dipped her head in agreement. "Some of our apprentices found this weird, black, gooey stuff in the river flowing next to our camp. Thankfully they didn't touch it. Or worse, attempt to eat it."

Asteroidpelt was lost for words. Earth was already dying? He was sure they would have at least a few more seasons before anything that drastic began to show up. "We were just about to set out for our second planet."

Firestar purred in satisfaction. "There's one more thing you need to know." He looked to the other leader's faces, as if getting a confirmation of some sort. The other leaders nodded. Even Mothwing, who had at some point, began listening in on the conversation.

"This may come as a shock to you, but cats aren't the only creatures roaming the stars."

Quiet gasped echoed throughout the ship. Of course it had shocked them. But shouldn't they have expected it? Cats couldn't be the only species out there, anyway.

"Your ship has limited fuel," Firestar continued. "You may need to visit a refueling station along your way."

Fuel was definitely something Asteroidpelt hadn't thought of. But how the Dark Forest were they going to find a gas station in outer space?

"Ask Mr. Jingles, he should be able to plan a route to anything you need to find. Except, _inconveniently_, a life-sustaining planet." A quiet beeping sound emanated from Firestar's monitor. "Oh, look at the time! Thunderclan needs me. Best wishes, Asteroidpelt!" He saluted.

Asteroidpelt raised his paw to salute back, but the screen flickered off too soon and he was left saluting at his reflection in a blank screen. He quickly put his paw down. The other leaders had given a similar gesture to their former warriors, before letting their screen flicker off.

Asteroidpelt suddenly felt weighed down with responsibilities again. _I'm leader again,_ he thought.

"Well," Starscreech spoke up for once. "That's enough social interaction for one day." He then padded down the ramp from his chair and through the automatic doors at the back of the room.

Asteroidpelt felt a migraine coming on. He and Moondust might be the only normal cats on this expedition. "Mr. Jingles, how much fuel do we have?"

A holographic image of a fuel meter faded into view. The needle leaned towards the "E." "It- appears- we are- almost- out."

"Maybe 'E' means _extra fuel!_" Oortcloud meowed worriedly but hopefully.

"Do- not- worry- young- mousebrain, I- can- plan- a- route- to- the- nearest- refueling- station. Of- course, with- Asteroidpelt's- approval."

Oortcloud looked to Asteroidpelt. He didn't even seem to notice that he'd been insulted by a computer.

"Are there any refueling stations between here and the next planet in this solar system?"

"Yes. Many- species- have- began- setting- up- public- fuel- stations- to- make- large- profit."

_Great Starclan. I asked a simple question and expected a simple answer. _"Alright. Set a course for… whatever we're going to."

Surprisingly, the ship's computer understood what the leader had meant and plotted a direct path to Hobo 13, a small asteroid with an underground fuel supply. "Engaging warp-drive. Approximate arrival time: forty-seven minutes."

The ship let out a high pitched whirring sound before flashing off, leaving Catworld behind.

Inside the ship, the four cats sat calmly. They yawned occasionally, or stood up to stretch restless muscles. After a particularly long yawn from Asteroidpelt, Moondust said: "Asteroidpelt, can I talk to you in private?"

"Sure." Asteroidpelt was glad he now had something to do. He kept catching his eyes drooping down, trying to pull him into blissful sleep. When had he last slept? Was it way back when Scorpiustail had locked them all up? The other Mappers had taken a nap between the Red Giant and Catworld after Moondust had checked everyone's wounds. Some part of him had insisted he stay awake and make sure everything was in order upon arrival to the planet. Perhaps it was just perfectionism, or the push of trying to be a good leader. Who knew?

He pulled his paws from the ground and padded down the ramp from his seat. He met Moondust at the far corner of the room, leaving Moondust and Oortcloud to talk about alien theories.

"You need to sleep," Moondust meowed as soon as Asteroidpelt sat down. "A drowsy leader won't be useful if we find ourselves in another sticky situation."

Asteroidpelt nodded. He knew she was right. Even if he didn't, he would've followed her advice.

"I'll watch over the ship," she purred. "If anything happens, I'll tell Mr. Jingles to wake you."

"Alright," he said. He knew he could trust Moondust. She _was _his first choice of deputy after all. He stood up again, which required more effort than usual, and walked through the doors at the back of the room.

Immediately after he left, Moondust scampered over to Cometfur and Oortcloud, who were arguing over History channel being right about aliens.

"Who wants to play Mousetrap?" She said in a sing-song voice.

* * *

Asteroidpelt walked down the hallway towards the door with his name on it. Literally. The doors were labeled for each cat. Passing Starscreech's quarters, he could've sworn he heard someone say, "Punch those trees! _Yes! _Punch those trees!"

The door opened like every other door on this ship: automatically. It was predictable, but it never got old. He walked inside and for once, wasn't completely awed by the contents of the room. Sure, it was nice, but it didn't compare to the bridge of Space C.L.A.N. or the launch room back on Earth. The room looked as though it was designed mainly for sleeping. There was a comfy looking bed in the center of the room, with a few desks and computer screens along the wall. The room was painted a soothing ocean-blue with only a few small lights hanging from the ceiling.

_Nice indeed, _he concluded.

* * *

"Aw, man! I landed on the dog again!" Oortcloud meowed glumly.

"Go back ten spaces!" Moondust took the die in her paw. She seemed to concentrate hard before throwing them onto the board with unnecessary force. "Yay! I rolled a five! You know what that means, right?" She moved her piece ahead five spaces on the game board, letting it rest on the tile that said "Three Extra Cheese." She took three pieces of cheese (which were actually just cardboard cut-outs) out of a zip-lock bag.

Oortcloud gave Cometfur a look that said, "Is she serious?" before tossing her the die.

Cometfur rolled the die with an expression of utmost boredom. It was a look that said: "I couldn't care less that I'm losing such a stupid game!"

Out of nowhere, the room shifted. It felt as though the motion of the ship had changed very suddenly.

"Refueling- station- five- minutes- away- at- current- speed."

The Mappers abandoned their game of Moustrap to look out the frontal dome of the ship. In the distance they saw a large asteroid with bright lights radiating from the surface. Mr. Jingles must've slowed the ship to cruising speed to allow the cats to make any last-minute preparations.

"Should- I- awaken- Asteroidpelt?" The ship's artificial intelligence asked.

Moondust considered it. Asteroidpelt expected her to awaken her, but for what? To refuel the ship? This is something that Asteroidpelt should be able to trust his fellow Mappers doing without guidance. It would only take a few minutes, tops, anyway. "No."

Cometfur and Oortcloud gave her a confused look.

"Wake up Starscreech, though. He got plenty of sleep on the way to Catworld." Moondust looked to Cometfur and Oortcloud. "Suit up." It didn't make very much sense though, they were already wearing suits. What she meant was, "We should put on _the rest_ of our suits." They only needed tail coverings, a helmet, and "space mittens," as Mothwing had called them.

The cats padded over to a square on the floor, in the corner of the room. It was tinted blue, so it was easy to distinguish from the rest of the floor. It rose up, now resembling the platform that had stuffed them into the C.L.A.N. uniforms back on Earth.

The door leading to the private quarters opened with a whirring sound. Starscreech stepped out and joined them on the platform.

Robotic arms extended from the wall, each holding a piece of a cat's suit. An epic montage of the cats being forced into clothing followed shortly.

* * *

The Space C.L.A.N. drifted slowly into a docking bay on the surface of the asteroid. A panel on the side of a gas pump opened, allowing a thick hose to float out. A three-eyed, moss green alien grabbed the hose clumsily. "Ermagerd, they neerd feurl," it said in its native tongue before shoving the hose into the ship's gas tank.

The walkway -the one for when the ship was docked sideways- extended to the ground and four cats marched out. They might've looked cool had it not been for the recent additions to their suits. Their helmets each had a face doodled onto the glass with permanent marker. Their clan leader's signature could be found written messily to the side.

Oortcloud simply had cross-eyes drawn over his own, with a "whisker-to-whisker" smile stretching across the helmet.

Cometfur had pin-sized eyes drawn on her helmet, making the mouth look bigger in comparison. There was a comic book speech bubble stretching from the open mouth, saying "Bla bla blaaa."

Moondust had a psychotic-looking face drawn on her helmet. It had creepy eyes and a creepy smile. The only reason you'd find the eyes and mouth to be creepy was because there was a syringe held in its paw. The words, "i wil save ur life" was written jaggedly next to the face. Leapordstar had an interesting sense of humor…

Starscreech had a sketch of Like a Sir drawn over his helmet, complete with the actual phrase, "LIKE A SIR!"

The cats reached the bottom of the ramp, already feeling like idiots. The space man bobble-head on the tip of their tails didn't help much, either. As their ship was being refueled, they decided to go check out the convenience store a few fox-lengths away.

* * *

A bell jingled as the airlock leading inside opened. The store seemed empty aside from a large, snoring alien sitting behind a counter with a newspaper covering its face. It jumped awake at the sound of the bell, saying, "A customer! I-" Its deep, metallic-sounding voice trailed off as it noticed the hysterical drawings on the helmets of the visitors. It immediately started laughing.

The cats just ignored it. They started taking in an eye-full of the store. It was interesting, to say the least. If you've ever seen a twoleg convenience store, you already know what it looked like. The only real difference was the alien advertisements and products.

Moondust went to expect the "Ice Me" machine; Oortcloud took interest in the snack section; Cometfur walked hypnotically towards the dairy products; and Starscreech padded seriously towards the alien manning the register. …Which was very hard to do with such a ridiculous drawing on his helmet.

The alien composed himself to say, "Need any help, _Sir_?" He burst into laughter again. Apparently, Memebase was popular throughout the universe. Starscreech flipped a small switch on the neck of his helmet, allowing it to drop to the ground in front of him, revealing a frowning face.

The alien looked surprised for a moment. "Correction. Grumpy Cat." More laughter. What a surprise.

"We come from Earth," Starscreech announced.

The alien did a spit-take. What made it disturbing was that it went all over Starscreech. What made it even more disturbing was that he wasn't drinking anything. _Disgusting,_ Starscreech thought.

"You're from Earth? That sucks; I hear it's being destroyed by one of its own species." The alien chuckled, then stood up. He looked over Starscreech's shoulder. "Hey, creepypasta! You have to buy a cup for that."

Starscreech turned around. Moondust was currently trying to fill her helmet with some kind of sugary cold drink. She smiled at them embarrassedly, before pouring out the contents of her helmet.

Starscreech turned back to the alien. Now that it was standing, he was able to take in its appearance. The alien was about six tail-lengths high. It would've been taller, had it not had short, stubby legs. The torso was the largest contribution to its height, though it also greatly hindered its movement since it was extremely overweight. Its skin was a dark green color, and its round head had two magenta oval-eyes. It wore a purple shirt, with a backwards "R" printed on it.

"What's with the 'R,' Incredible Hulk?" Starscreech questioned, feeling satisfied with the insult.

"Haha, funny. 'R' stands for Raj, my famous online identity." The alien, newly identified as Raj, said proudly.

Starscreech's eyes widened. "You mean, you're _the Raj_?"

Raj nodded. "You've heard of me?"

"Oh, yes. I mean, who hasn't?"

"Uh, complete losers?" The alien laughed. He and Starscreech high-fived.

* * *

Asteroidpelt's eyes opened drowsily. He should probably get up. Surely they were almost to the refueling station. Wait, Moondust said she would tell Mr. Jingles to wake him up when they arrived. He probably still had a few more minutes. He allowed his eyes to close again, drifting off to dream land. "Haha, pretty ponies," he muttered in his sleep.

* * *

"Chocolate drink," Cometfur meowed as she read the label on a glass bottle. "Why is it _chocolate drink? _Shouldn't it be chocolate _milk?"_ She shrugged her shoulders, then fell to her back with the bottle still in her paws, taking huge gulps of the drink.

A few tail-lengths away, Oortcloud was using the alien equivalent of "Sour Punch Straws" to suck down a can of "Sugar Rush." His pupils shrunk to the size of ants. "I can see sounds!" He exclaimed.

Over at the Ice Me machine, Moondust was taking frozen yogurt by the mouthful.

"That's so unsanitary!" Raj called from the register. "My boss is going to kill me."

"Don't worry, I can pay for it," Starscreech murmured. It took effort, but he was able to unzip a pocket on his suit and retrieve its contents. Four pieces of paper, to be exact. It looked as though a twoleg kit had cut out a rectangle messily, drawn "20" on each corner, and wrote "Blackstar Approved" above a poorly drawn picture of Blackstar.

He took one from the stack and slapped it onto the counter. "Twenty Blackstar bucks."

Raj eyed the piece of paper. He took it in his hand and held it up to the light. "Nice try. This is worth nothing." Raj leaned over the counter to see their ship being refueled at the docking bay. "I can charge it on your ship's internal currency. I'll just add it to the cost of the fuel." Raj took a step towards a computer on the counter, hit a few keys, and said: "There."

Starscreech nodded. He was surprised to see that the clan leaders back on Earth had actually put some kind of currency inside the ship's database.

"D'arvit," Raj cursed in some alien language. "Can you tell your friend to stop that?"

Starscreech turned to his obnoxious clan mates another time, to his annoyance. Oortcloud was zooming back and forth on an aisle shelf, laughing like he was a band member of Alvin and the Chipmunks.

"What did you eat?" Starscreech questioned.

Oortcloud's answer was unintelligible. Starscreech sighed. He took a running start before leaping up onto the aisle, colliding with the doofus and knocking him off the shelf. Both cats hit the tiled floor of the convenience store hard.

Oortcloud landed a few tail-lengths from Starscreech, vibrating back and forth where he lay.

Starscreech staggered over to him before slapping him back and forth across the muzzle, yowling, "Snap out of it, mousebrain!"

Oortcloud didn't reply. Instead he just fell unconscious.

"Moondust! What did he eat?" Starscreech called to Moondust halfway across the store.

She quickly ran along the aisles, until she saw a mountainous pile of Sugar Rush cans completely blocking off a section of the store.

As all this was happening, Raj just stared dumbfounded from his seat next to the register. His first customer in days brought more excitement than he'd hoped. In fact, he'd silently wish the store would remain empty for days to come after this event.

"He's suffering from extreme sugar intake!"

Raj heard a crash from the back of the store. A few moments later, Cometfur came down one aisle, completely soaked in chocolate dairy products. She chuckled nervously, before padding quickly to the "little alien's room."

"Gah! I can't stand it any-" A ding from a small speaker next to the register interrupted him. _Yes! Their ship is refueled!_

"Hey, furballs! Your ship's ready."

Starscreech and Moondust were currently hunched over Oortcloud. They didn't seem to hear Raj's call.

Instead of having space mittens equipped with retractable razor-blades, Moondust had defibrillators specially designed into the pads. She rubbed her forepaws back and forth before slamming them down onto Oortcloud's chest. A few cycles of this, and Oortcloud awoke, gasping for breath.

"I regret nothing!" He hissed between breaths.

"_Hey!_ I'm glad your friend didn't die in here and all, but your ship's completely refueled." Raj gestured towards the airlock leading outside.

The Mappers looked to each other excitedly. This little side-stop had been fun, but they couldn't wait to get back on the ship and record data for more planets. Who knows what they'd find around the next corner? Besides, Earth was falling apart at the seams. They needed to find a planet that will suit clan life as soon as possible.

Starscreech dipped his head to Raj. "We must be off."

The restroom door opened, and Cometfur padded out. Lucky for her, she had gotten the chocolate out of her fur. She joined them next to the airlock.

"Good luck," Raj said, before leaning back into his chair. _As if you're just gonna stumble across an unclaimed planet,_ he joked, mentally.

The cats were able to lean forward and reattach their helmets to their suits. Raj still found the drawings to be hilarious. Especially since he knew what was actually behind the drawings.

The airlock opened, and the cats filed into it. The indoor lock closed shut so that when the outer lock opened, the vacuum of space wouldn't get into the store. A few moments after the airlock was shut, a snoring sound could be heard coming from Raj.

* * *

The cats padded across the nearly desolate asteroid towards their ship. Starscreech silently hoped Asteroidpelt hadn't woken up while they were out. What he didn't know couldn't hurt him, right? The ramp extended from the ship.

The green alien who had refueled the Space C.L.A.N. was waving from the gas pump. "Ermagerd geerdbye!" He grabbed a tissue and blew his nose.

The Mappers padded up the ramp and into the bridge of the ship. They stowed their helmets, tail coverings, and space mittens on a shelf near Moondust's medicine cabinet.

The ship slowly pulled away from the docking area, then flew into space at warp-speed again. The cats inside relaxed. That was enough "fun" for a few hours.

Suddenly, the door leading to the cat's private quarters opened, revealing Asteroidpelt.

"Gear up, guys. Refueling time." He had apparently felt the ship's change of motion in a light sleep and assumed they had arrived.

The cats in the bridge stared back at him awkwardly. Except Oortcloud. He leaned over and licked Cometfur's pelt.

"Yummy chocolate."


	4. E103: Nippy Out There

**A/N: Ugh, another late upload. I've still been very busy with things. But now, it's summer. Chapters will get written and uploaded much faster now. I'm hoping to start dishing out new chapters every other week, depending on how long the chapter is, the status of my brain's inspiration tanks, and how busy I am at the time. **

**By the way, I recently made a Twitter account where I post updates for all my stories' chapter progression/completion. (Just this story at the moment) The name is "inFpoptart".**

**Thanks to all who reviewed/favorited/followed! It means so much to me. ;P Enjoy chapter 4 of Space C.L.A.N.!**

* * *

Space C.L.A.N.

E103: Nippy Out There

"I'm so bored," Cometfur stated. It was funny because at the last rest stop they had actually been ready to get back on the ship and fly to the next planet. The grass wasn't greener on the other side. Their ship was boring. There was hardly anything to do except pretend they were all aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise.

Starclan knows they would never resort to playing board games with Moondust.

The other cats groaned in agreement. They were all sprawled out across the bridge in random places. Oortcloud was actually lying on the table that projected the star map. He blocked projections in the shape of his body, making it look as though there was a shadowy cat resting above him.

Cometfur was lying on the glass beneath the raised chairs where they sat during meetings, bored out of her mind. She had considered putting on her space suit and leaping out of the ship, even though floating through space in her suit might be more boring than floating through space in a giant container.

"I can't stand this anymore, I'm going to bed," Cometfur said through her teeth. She stood up and began walking to her private quarters. The other cats hardly paid her any attention. She only got a quiet "alright" from Asteroidpelt.

Ugh, Asteroidpelt. She resented him. It was nothing personal; it was just that the clan leaders had chosen such a weak-minded warrior to lead the mission. If anyone was fit to lead this mission, it was her or Starscreech. When they encountered an enemy on the journey- such as Scorpiustail- shouldn't that enemy feel intimidated by just the leader of the group? Asteroidpelt wasn't the type to strike fear into the heart of opponents.

The door to their rooms opened as she drew near it. She padded through. But instead of entering her room, the first door on the left, she trotted past it. There was a room that interested her much more. It lay in waiting at the end of the hallway, just waiting to be explored. A room that read, "Storage."

The door didn't open automatically as the other doors did. Instead she had to put her paw up to a scanner to show that she was a member of the Mapping operation. A ding was heard, and the door slid open like a vault concealing precious gold.

But instead of gold, she got boxes. There were loads of them. Cardboard boxes. They were all labeled something boring, like "Ship Parts," "Time Machine," or "Molecular Fusion Ray."

Cometfur walked disappointedly among the boxes until something caught her attention on the far side of the room. It almost blended in with the color of the boxes perfectly, though its texture was a dead giveaway. The surrounding boxes were smooth and flat, while this… _thing_ was all fluffy. As she got closer, she made out the more detailed features.

There were two buttons sown sloppily onto one end, with a thread smile making it look falsely happy. The fur along the torso was messy and covered with dried slobber from an unknown animal.

In Cometfur's eyes, this was the most interesting thing she had seen aboard Space C.L.A.N. She was a little curious as to how a little toy like that got aboard the ship, since this was all "serious business."

_-Half a Moon Ago; C.L.A.N. Underground Labs-_

Firestar ran clumsily through the underground hallways, giggling like an apprentice. He was carrying a small brown mouse toy in his maw. Little did he know that it was stuffed with dangerous amounts of catnip.

"Kittypets rule!" he shouted to no one in particular. The orange blur of fur then made a sharp left and crashed through a doorway. The three other clan leaders sat impatiently inside.

"This is getting ridiculous!" Onestar exclaimed. "Thunderclan's leader is _always_ late!

"Yeah," Leapordstar hissed. "I have important business to attend to! Instead I'm sitting here waiting for this mange-pelt to arrive to a meeting that _he _called."

Firestar stared at them all with a blank expression, the catnip toy still gripped firmly in his jaws. "Huh?"

Leapordstar's right eye twitched. "Ugh! That's it! I cannot work with someone so…" She gestured to Firestar. The brown toy hanging from his mouth didn't help his case.

Firestar wasn't right-minded at the time. He had been inhaling catnip for the past hour and couldn't remember anything before, _Hey, I wonder what this brown thing is._

"Potato!" Firestar called randomly. He just had a very sudden urge to say the word. The three sober leaders stared at him as if he'd grown another head.

For a moment, Leapordstar's iron stare turned to worry. But it didn't last more than half a second. She was still really mad at him. "Firestar, what has gotten into you?" She padded forward anxiously. After a few paw steps, she stepped within range of the catnip smell. She stopped walking forward. Her pupils grew huge. All present goals and worries were immediately dropped from her mind like a sack of… _potatoes._

"C-can I see that thing?" She asked Firestar as she resumed padding forward.

"It's mine. Get your own." Firestar's sentence humorously sounded like that of a mere kit in the nursery.

At this point, Onestar and Blackstar had gotten a little too curious. They began marching towards Firestar as well, wanting to know what the toy smelled like.

A vent above Firestar unluckily turned on automatically and began blowing a current of catnip-smelling air straight at the two toms. They stopped moving and their pupils grew just as Leapordstar's had done.

"Stay back!" Firestar hissed, getting cautious. The cats looked like they were willing to kill for that stupid toy. But the thing was, it wasn't stupid. Under any other circumstances, Firestar would've thrown the toy to the three cats and let them have their own little version of The Hunger Games. But Firestar was under the drug-like influence of catnip. That toy meant _everything_ to him. He bolted out of the room at lightning speed.

The she-cats didn't call him "Orange Lightning" for nothing, eh?

Firestar dashed down the hallway past water coolers, doors, and filing cabinets. _Eat my dust_, he thought. He looked over his shoulder to confirm his victory and found that he was being pursued by none other than Leapordstar, Onestar, and Blackstar.

_Then it is a chase! _He thought dramatically.

He made a quick right down another hallway. He had his claws extended, so it took some pro-drifting to nail the turn. Success. He turned his head to look back. His pursuers hadn't been shaken off.

Firestar looked ahead to see Jayfeather, Thunderclan's medicine cat retrieving water from one of the many coolers throughout the hallway. He had a pair of headphones in his ears, listening to his iPawd as he let water pour into his bowl.

_Road hazard!_ Firestar shouted mentally. He flung himself towards the cooler, landing perfectly on the blue tank and knocking it over. Water poured from it where it now lay.

Jayfeather didn't see or hear a thing, because of the insanely loud classical music blaring into his ears, and his lack of sight.

Firestar turned to look back a third time. Onestar slipped on the water and veered out of control before crashing into the wall. Blackstar merely slipped, but regained his balance and resumed the chase. Leapordstar had performed an epic leap over Jayfeather's head, complete with a barrel roll for style. She kept her balance as she hit the ground, not losing a touch of momentum.

_Yikes. _Firestar forced his legs to give him more speed. He saw the Windclan door that lead to the launch room on his left. Maybe he could shake them off in there. He turned, and found himself high above the ground on a familiar catwalk. He instantly regretted taking this route. If Leapordstar caught up to him here, it wouldn't be hard for her to throw him off the edge. There was only one place to run.

"Mr. Jingles! Open the ship's main door!" He shouted around the catnip toy. His muffled voice echoed throughout the room. The door to Space C.L.A.N. opened just in time for him to run inside. He could hear Leapordstar not too far behind.

"Close it! Close!" Firestar frantically meowed as he saw Leapordstar closing in on the door. She was only a few fox-lengths away. A few tail-lengths. Half a tail-length. The door shut, and a loud bang was heard.

_Phew!_ Firestar thought. Now he needed a place to hide his toy. Since the ship was docked vertically, the room was sideways. He commanded the door to the Mapper's private quarters to open and took an elevator down the hallway. The ship was designed to be accessible both horizontally and vertically, even though it was specifically designed for horizontal travel.

He went all the way to the very bottom, where the cargo bay was. The door opened, and he dropped the toy inside. Parting with the toy was difficult. He just kept reminding himself that he would retrieve it later.

As he rode the elevator back up to the bridge, his mind began to change. He thought logically again. First of all, he wouldn't have time to retrieve that toy. He had to go prepare for launch and get Ashpelt prepped before sunhigh. That toy would stay in the cargo bay, hopefully for the better. It caused too much chaos here on Earth…

-Present Time; Aboard Space C.L.A.N.-

The bridge of Space C.L.A.N. was quite peaceful. The cats lying around let out gentle snores as they slept the ride away. Even Starscreech looked relaxed as their ship rocketed through space surprisingly smoothly.

All was quiet. You could hear a pin drop. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, "Potatoes!" echoed throughout the ship. The four cats raised their heads, alarmed.

"Was that Cometfur?" Asteroidpelt wondered aloud worriedly.

"Was that _potatoes_?" Oortcloud wondered aloud, seriously.

Asteroidpelt rolled his eyes at him. He was beginning to grow used to Oortcloud's strangeness. Almost. "It sounded like that was coming from in there," he said, pointing to the door at the back of the room with his tail.

The other Mappers nodded in agreement, even though it was obvious that the sound couldn't have possibly come from any other place aboard the ship.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious." Starscreech meowed in a monotone voice.

"You're welcome, Sergeant Sarcasm," replied Asteroidpelt.

"No problem, Major Mousebrain," Starscreech said through a smile.

"Stop arguing!" Called Moondust. For once, the arguing pair wasn't her and Cometfur. "We need to go investigate the source of that sound."

"Right," Asteroidpelt meowed. He marched towards the door. Don't tell anyone, but he was secretly glad Moondust had intervened. If that had escalated to the point of an actual fight, he might have been reduced to a pile of fur and bones.

The door opened, and the cats were met with a wall of darkness. Almost all of the lights had been busted out in the hallway, except for a few flickering ones. Beyond the darkness and under the dim blinking light rested a doorway. Inside that door, was more darkness.

The cats cautiously walked forward in a tight huddle. What the Dark Forest had happened here? You could vaguely make out writing on the walls in red liquid. Strawberry kool-aid, no doubt.

"Mine." It was written over and over along the walls. Asteroidpelt felt his spine quiver and his blood run cold.

What the _Dark Forest_ had happened here?

The cat's names written on their doors had been scribbled out. All except for Cometfur's name. Her name was circled. The cats decided to walk past her door. Something just made their legs keep moving. An interesting aroma. Something smelled good.

They kept walking forward, ignoring the new writing on the wall that read: "Stay Away." More generic horror film props…

Finally they reached the door. Upon arrival, they didn't feel scared at all. It was strange. They just wanted to see whatever that the source of that smell was. They slowly walked inside. A soft growling could be heard from one corner of the room, along with the sound of… an animal grooming itself?

As their eyes adjusted to the darkness, they saw the source of the noise. It was Cometfur, only different. Her fur was seriously messed up, her pupils were huge, and she was frantically licking and rubbing her face on a small brown thing.

"Cometfur?" Moondust asked worriedly. The medicine cat's sister was nearly unrecognizable. The fact that there were only five cats on the ship, and four of them were standing in a huddle over a crazed one might've given away her identity.

Cometfur stood on all fours, her fur standing on-end to make her look bigger and more intimidating. "Didn't you read the signs?"

"Yep!" Oortcloud called, who didn't seem at all phased by the eerie surroundings. "You made yourself pretty clear."

Cometfur's eyes narrowed, the toy still gripped firmly in her jaws. "Then why didn't you obey them?" The toy muffled her voice strangely.

The huddled cats turned to look at Oortcloud, awaiting a response.

"Well, I was behind them." Oortcloud gestured to Asteroidpelt, Moondust, and Starscreech. "They disobeyed first."

_Way to take one for the team,_ Asteroidpelt thought.

Cometfur looked to the three cats at the head of the group. The smell from earlier was causing Asteroidpelt's attention to be focused on the object in Cometfur's maw. He thought he noticed her jaw clench down on the toy even harder, though he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure why, but he couldn't think clearly. It was like he was in a dream. He couldn't control what he did or said, but could only sit back and watch everything happen around him.

He subconsciously stepped forward, having a staring contest with the mouse Cometfur held. Its eyes were unblinking, and its smile seemed to say in a deep voice, "I be winning the staredown! You gon' lose, Asteroidpelt!"

This angered Asteroidpelt for unknown reasons. It was probably just the effects that toy had on his mind. He leapt forward regardless, aiming for the mouse.

"Just a game, Asteroidpelt! No need to flip out!" The mouse said as Cometfur pulled it out of harm's way. Or in this case, Asteroidpelt's way. His jaw clamped shut, only catching air between them. He turned to his right, where Cometfur had gone to see her making a dash around the huddle of cats and toward the exit.

Everything seemed to be moving slower around Asteroidpelt. It might've been his heightened senses caused by an adrenaline rush. He wasn't sure why he had an adrenaline rush, though. The last logical voice in his head was shoved out of his mind as he ran after Cometfur.

The other cats must've followed too, because the sound of a stampede shortly erupted behind him. Asteroidpelt saw Cometfur lift her head and shout something aloud around the toy. He didn't hear her though, let alone care what she said. The door leading to her room opened, so it must've been a command to the ship's AI, Mr. Jingles.

Asteroidpelt made a hard right, attempting to follow her. He was slowed down by a sudden weight on his back, followed by the force of an animal kicking off his shoulders. He saw Oortcloud sail right through the door and into Cometfur's room. _Stupid furball! Using me as a stepping stone? _To his surprise, the door closed shut in his face, leaving a sharp pain in his nose from the collision. The other cats gathered around the door.

"Mr. Jingles, open the door!" Moondust shouted. She frantically scratched at the door's smooth surface.

"Sorry- Moondust. I- am- afraid- only- Cometfur- can- open- her- door." Mr. Jingles said in that annoying way he speaks.

Moondust let out a huff of defeat, still pawing at the door. The other cats- including Asteroidpelt- paced outside, wondering how they could get inside. They _had_ to have that toy.

_Or do I?_ Asteroidpelt wondered. It seemed his interest in the thing was dying down rapidly. He looked to the other cats waiting with him, all wearing a confused expression. Moondust had slowly stopped trying to claw through the door.

"That was… odd," Starscreech growled awkwardly.

"Yeah," Asteroidpelt agreed. "What happened to us?" The dream-like state he had been in a few moments ago was fading away. Things appeared clearer around him and he had full self-control.

Moondust's eyes suddenly widened to the size of plates. "I- I think I know what that was."

Before any cat could reply, she ran off. She ran to the bridge and stopped next to her medicine cabinet. Asteroidpelt and Starscreech followed.

Moondust scanned the rows of bottles for what seemed like hours. Just when the two toms thought an epoch had passed, she said: "Found it."

She grabbed the bottle between her teeth and set it down next to the waiting cats. "Catnip," she said as if that word would explain everything.

It did sound vaguely familiar to Asteroidpelt, though. Hadn't Jayfeather asked him to retrieve some when he was an apprentice?

"That thing Cometfur had must've been loaded with it," Continued Moondust. "Medicine cats use it to relieve congestion and coughs, but never as concentrated as that toy was." She lay down, inspecting the bottle further. "Warning: Inhaling copious amounts may cause an extreme need for possession."

"Well, that explains it," Starscreech meowed. "Hopefully Cometfur and Oortcloud haven't killed each other over the thing yet."

This worried Asteroidpelt. Two of his Mappers were stuck in a room, out of their minds. One of them could have been killed already. He imagined how one would feel after the effects of catnip had worn off to find that they had murdered a friend in their conscious' absence. They could not let that happen.

"Mr. Jingles! Is there any other way into Cometfur's room? This is an emergency."

"Well- not- even- I- can- override- Cometfur's- door's- voice control, but- there- are- ventilation- shafts- connecting- every- room," The voice of Mr. Jingles sounded through speakers around the ship.

"That's it," Moondust meowed with renewed hope. "One of us can crawl through the vents and into Cometfur's room."

They all looked around. Finally they noticed it. The vent was on the wall next to their food bowls. Simple enough. They trotted on over to it.

"It's smaller than I expected," Asteroidpelt observed.

* * *

Moondust slid through the vent awkwardly. Any smaller and she'd be completely stuck. The rope tied around her belly didn't help much with the matters at hand, either.

It was difficult, but she managed to make a ninety degree turn to her left. Straight ahead, light shone out of a vent that must be above Cometfur's room. She slowly crawled the rest of the way there.

Moondust slowly peeked through the air vent above Cometfur's room. The sight was quite shocking. Oortcloud lay across the floor, held down by a heavy net. There were torches lit around the room, providing an eerie atmosphere. It was like some kind of sacrificial chamber. Where did Cometfur get netting and torches anyway?

She continued scanning the room. The catnip toy was sitting on Cometfur's bed in the center of the room, looking over the scene. It was directly below her.

She unscrewed the four bolts that held the air vent in place, and then carefully slid it away. She prepared to jump down, but was silenced as Cometfur came into view. She had been rummaging through a closet at the back of the room the whole time. As she turned, and her head came into view, Moondust saw something in her mouth glisten against the torchlight.

_Whoa._ She was actually about to sacrifice Oortcloud to the catnip toy. Moondust looked up. "This is one twisted plot, Starclan! Not funny."

She looked back down at the scene. All she had to do was hold her breath, lower herself down, grab the toy and then have Starscreech hoist her back up. The smell of catnip would dissipate and Cometfur would be out of the trance. Right?

They _were _in ventilation shafts, though. If she dropped the toy up here then the smell would spread throughout the entire ship and they'd all go insane. It was risky, but she decided to go through with it.

Cometfur stopped walking towards Oortcloud. She turned around and started heading back to her closet. _Forget something?_

Moondust held her breath and jumped through the vent. The rope tied firmly around her belly slowed her descent until she came to a stop at just the right height to grab the toy. She leaned as close to the toy as she could and grasped it with her jaw.

Oortcloud saw her and shouted something, but it was unintelligible as he had duct tape covering his mouth. Moondust ignored him. He'd be fine if the plan went… eh, _as planned._

Now, how would she signal Starscreech to pull her back up? She couldn't remember thinking this far in depth with the plan. _How stupid of me,_ she thought. Maybe Starscreech would realize that something was going wrong and hoist her up. She heard the movement in Cometfur's closet stop.

Moondust began squirming and thrashing as she was suspended in the air. Anything that might make Starscreech realize that she was ready to come back up.

"What the…"

_Too late!_

Cometfur dropped the miniature bongo drums she was carrying between her teeth and leapt at Moondust.

"Give me back Nippy!" Cometfur yowled as she collided with her sister.

As Moondust was getting the stuffing beat out of her, she briefly wondered how Cometfur had so coincidentally named the toy mouse, "Nippy." You know, it fit since it was filled with-

A particularly painful blow to the belly silenced her thoughts. Cometfur was actually hanging on to her and beating her at the same time.

Oortcloud was laughing hysterically from his net prison on the floor. The duct tape hid his mouth, but you could plainly see the amusement in his eyes. From his perspective, it looked as though two she-cats were floating around a room, violently attacking each other over a fake mouse toy. Actually, it would look like that from _anyone's_ perspective, minus the rope.

Apparently, Starscreech thought this was "the sign," and began pulling the both of them up slowly. The extra weight from Cometfur made him really have to struggle.

On Starscreech's end, things weren't looking too good. The rope had suddenly gotten a whole lot heavier. It felt like his teeth were going to be ripped out before he got Moondust back into the vent.

_Did she eat ten pounds of cat food while she was down there?_ He wondered.

Asteroidpelt was pulling as hard as he could on the rope behind Stascreech just as the black pelted cat said: "My tooth!" Starscreech let go of the rope, letting the determined Asteroidpelt be jerked into the vent. A loud thud echoed throughout the ship.

"My head!" He called miserably.

Moondust and Cometfur suddenly fell to the ground below. _Ow, _Moondust thought. She didn't know why she thought that, though. The brutal scratching and biting she received from Cometfur was much more painful than a fall from five tail-lengths.

Surprisingly, Moondust still had Nippy in her mouth. She had the horrible realization that she had been breathing in catnip for the past few seconds. She tried to just let go, knowing Cometfur would take it, but she couldn't. The trance was already setting in. She gripped Nippy as tight as possible in her mouth, refusing to let go.

"Moondust, don't let 'er take me!" Nippy shouted. With all her might, she kicked with her back legs as Starscreech had done to the robo-cat on the Red Giant. It sent Cometfur rolling forward, leaving her dazed and giving Moondust time to assume a battle stance. She would fight with all her power for the life of Nippy.

Cometfur regained balance, and retaliated with a sharp blow to Moondust's face, claws unsheathed.

Moondust felt the sting of a deep scratch just below her eye. She ran forward and tackled Cometfur to the ground. They rolled and rolled across the floor until Moondust had completely lost her sense of direction. Finally Cometfur managed to get a good grip on Nippy.

The two she-cats stopped rolling and simply pulled on the toy they both held between their teeth. Nippy strained against the force, his fabrics tearing. "_'ey! _That hurts! Stop! Sto-"

The toy was cut short as he was ripped in half. The catnip inside him flew into the air, landing perfectly in Cometfur's personal litterbox.

"Wh- what have you done?" Cometfur hissed.

A small compartment in the wall slid open behind the litterbox. The box slid in and the wall closed after it. The litter was ejected into space, along with the troublesome catnip.

"What have _I _done?!" Moondust growled furiously. "You're the one who-!"

They both felt the trance wearing off. Their anger at each other and their love for Nippy melted.

"M-Moondust?" Cometfur stammered. "I'm sorry." She dipped her head in shame, realizing what had happened.

A large part of Moondust wanted to take advantage of her sister's rarely found submission and scold her, but it just didn't seem to be the right thing to do. It wasn't her fault after all. It was the catnip that made her go insane and almost sacrifice Oortcloud to Nippy. "It's alright," she muttered. "The catnip's gone."

They heard Oortcloud start talking through the duct tape on his mouth. They didn't understand a word. Cometfur just sighed and went to help him get out of the net. Moondust padded over to the door. She was able to command the door to open, since apparently anyone could open it from the inside.

Asteroidpelt stood worriedly outside. Starscreech was sitting a bit away from Asteroidpelt with a bored expression on his face, as always.

"Is everyone… alive?" Asteroidpelt asked. He was shocked to see the strange props inside Cometfur's room.

"We're all alive," Moondust reassured him. "I need to apply burdock to a few wounds and give some thyme to Cometfur. She needs a blissful sleep after all that."

Asteroidpelt purred. "Thank you, Moondust. But- uh, is the catnip gone?"

Moondust nodded. "It was jettisoned out of the ship along with some litter."

"Creative," Asteroidpelt meowed.

"Thanks," Moondust purred, even though it was a complete accident.

Asteroidpelt winced, and put a paw up to his head. "I'm going to go to bed. I have a major headache," he groaned.

_I guess that settles everything, _Moondust thought. This ship holds more dangers than she could've previously imagined. She looked back to Cometfur and Oortcloud.

"It's alright," Oortcloud comforted the depressed she-cat. "I thought we were just role-playing. It was fun until I found out you were actually trying to kill me."

Cometfur purred. She was just glad this was all over.

* * *

"Moondust got 'er herbs and healed everyone up, Asteroidpelt slept the throbbin' headache away, and Cometfur stopped bein' sad and everything. And that," Nippy concluded, "is how I was cured of the catnip disease."

"Wow! That was a great story, Papa!" A brown mouse toy- smaller than Nippy- shouted in pride.

"Alright, children. Off to bed."

The three baby mouse toys squeaked in protest.

"But you never said how you were fixed!" The baby mouse toy in the middle of the bed, said.

"Oh, alright! Well, it's quite simple. Ol' Moondust patched me up with some string from the storage room." He patted a black thread that went around his torso.

"That's so cool!" The third baby mouse said.

"It sure was." Nippy gazed off into the distance, remembering the very day. He sat up from his chair, which was the universal sign for, _story time is over._ "G'night, children."


	5. E104: Beautiful Destruction and Wal-mart

**A/N: Wow, thanks for the reviews, readahs! :D The only thing I ask is for more constructive criticism. I want this to be as high quality as I can manage. (Both to make the story more enjoyable and to make myself a better writer.)**

**I need to stop saying, "Hey! I have enough time to write a lot so I'll be posting like oh I dunno every week!" Slight exaggeration, but seriously, I don't have the time to write too often. Until I actually do build up a writing routine expect chapters… whenever. **

**Enjoy chapter five!**

* * *

Space C.L.A.N.

E104: Beautiful Destruction and Wal-Mart

* * *

"We need more kitty litter," Oortcloud meowed as he trotted back into the bridge of the ship.

Asteroidpelt nodded. "I'll put it on a grocery list." He himself wasn't sure if he said that sarcastically or seriously.

"Would- you- like- me- to- plan- a- route- to- the- nearest- Wal-Mart?" Mr. Jingles said.

_What's a Wal-Mart? _Asteroidpelt wondered. "I… guess so."

"Shifting- course. Wal-mart, twenty-seven minutes away."

The cat's eyes widened in surprise.

"We're that close to a Wal-Mart?" Cometfur questioned. They were all sure they were as far from civilization as possible. But when you think about it, twenty minutes away at however fast "warp-speed" meant was pretty far.

"You- are- never- more- than- an- hour- from- a- Wal-Mart- while- in- space," Mr. Jingles said as though that was a common fact. Maybe it was… to a supercomputer.

"What is a Wal-Mart, anyway?" Moondust asked.

Oortcloud let out an exaggerated gasp. "'What's Wal-Mart?'!"

Moondust stared at him blankly.

"Wal-Mart is where dreams come true!" Oortcloud started pacing back and forth. "Wal-Mart is where you go grocery shopping, and have fun doing it!" He put a paw on the star map, assuming a heroic pose. "Wal-Mart… _is where you buy stuff._"

Three pairs of eyes stared at him as though he'd grown a poptart torso and began flying through space. Starscreech remained emotionless as always.

"How do you know that?" Cometfur hissed, dumbfounded.

"Well, I didn't live in Windclan my entire life."

This came as a shock to Asteroidpelt, Cometfur, and Moondust. Had Oortcloud been a loner? Or even a kittypet?

"Where did you… come from?" Asteroidpelt asked out of curiosity.

"That's not personal at all!" Oortcloud meowed. Asteroidpelt guessed he actually wasn't being sarcastic, because he continued. "I grew up outside Wal-Mart, living off dumpster food!"

If that hadn't come out of Oortcloud's muzzle, it would've sounded very depressing. He somehow brought a lighthearted tone into any story.

"H-how did you come to Windclan?" Moondust interrogated. They all assumed everyone aboard the ship was clan-born.

"I hitched a ride on the Chicken Express."

"You rode a chicken?"

"No, silly!" Oortcloud laughed aloud. "I rode on a Chicken Express truck. I guess it was transporting supplies, because it smelt good."

"Best back-story ever," Starscreech concluded.

"Wow…" Asteroidpelt sighed, lost for words. "Um, quite interesting."

"Yes," Oortcloud agreed. "Being a Windclan warrior has its ups and downs, though. The main downside is, _no Wal-Mart._"

* * *

Space C.L.A.N. flew to the highly populated asteroid where Wal-Mart had been built. Disappointedly, it couldn't be considered for clan life, as there was no atmosphere. There were many unnatural air bubbles built around the space rock. Each glass dome was connected to another with a tunnel.

One of the domes was significantly larger than the other. Inside, landing modules were parked in tight rows. The clan ship had slowed to cruising speed just above the parking lot.

"I didn't know we even had a landing module," Asteroidpelt meowed. Mr. Jingles had just informed them that a door in the storage room actually lead to a hangar where the landing module was kept. As they padded through the room cluttered with boxes and dust bunnies, Asteroidpelt saw a few boxes with interesting labels on them. He made a mental note to check them out at a later time.

Starscreech padded quickly around the group, whispering something into each of the cat's ears. First Oortcloud, on the far left of the group. Oortcloud looked insulted. Then Moondust, who was next to Oortcloud. She rolled her eyes. Asteroidpelt's curiosity spiked. What was he telling them? And why individually?

Instead of following order, Starscreech padded past Asteroidpelt and whispered into Cometfur's ear. _What's that about?_ The clan leader wondered.

"Do _not_ behave as you did at the convenience store. That was embarrassing and demeaning."

Cometfur rolled her eyes as Moondust did. "Fun-hating mouse-brain," she mumbled under her breath.

Asteroidpelt briefly made eye contact with Starscreech, but it was broken when the amber-eyed tom abruptly looked away.

Asteroidpelt's curious side wondered if they were hiding something from him. Starscreech was only trying to keep the cats from ruining another store, though.

They arrived at the door to the hangar. Starscreech put his paw up to another paw-print scanner and the door opened with a _whoosh._

Inside was a rectangular room with control panels and flashy monitors lining the walls. The funny thing about this ship is that they never had to use any of the panels. It was almost as though they were put there just for show.

In the middle of the room, suspended in the air by strong cables, was the landing module. "NYAN 5" was printed down the side.

_What do these acronyms even stand for?_ Asteroidpelt thought. _And who comes up with them?_

The cats jumped into the open door of NYAN 5 one by one.

* * *

Nobody had bothered to tell Asteroidpelt about their helmets being vandalized by their own clan leaders. It wasn't until after he put it on that he noticed.

"What is this thing in front of my left eye?"

The other cats getting prepped in the module looked at him. A few awkward seconds passed before they all erupted into laughter.

Asteroidpelt noticed the goofy expression Oortcloud had on his helmet. He assumed he had one on his as well.

"It sure is reassuring to know we have mouse-brains guiding us on a mission crucial to the continuation of our species," Asteroidpelt muttered. He stared into Oortcloud's helmet, able to see himself in the reflective surface.

The Forever Alone face was roughly depicted in permanent marker on his helmet. The tabby tom sighed. What was it with the clan leaders? He was tempted to laugh, even though the pun was directed at his own bad trait. He hardly knew anyone outside of Thunderclan. It wasn't the fact that he didn't go to gatherings or anything. It was just that he could never lead a conversation. He gave up trying to long ago. It was weird for a warrior to behave that way, since most are aggressive and loud-speaking. It might've been a voice at the back of his mind warning him that he might fight these cats in battle someday. _Don't get attached. Don't make friends._

Deep down he was worried that someday he might have to fight against Moondust, or Oortcloud, or Cometfur. He was far certain that no matter what, he would_ never _want to face Starscreech in battle.

He had heard stories of past warriors who went on long journeys with cats from different clans and grew close to each other along the way. When they came back home, they were expected to just forget all of that and become rivals again.

The Mappers had already developed a friendly relationship between each other, which was quite fast for former rivals. Perhaps they all knew this was one of the most dangerous things that had ever happened to the clans. Maybe the four clans would become one as they struggled to survive on whatever planet the Mappers found for them. _Maybe- _and _hopefully-_ they could remain friends after this mission was over.

"I smell chocolate," Cometfur meowed as she inhaled the air inside her suit.

"You don't say," Moondust did her Nicholas Cage impression- which was quite accurate. "You spilled that chocolate milk on you a few days ago and didn't wash your suit."

"Chocolate _drink,_" Cometfur corrected. "I wonder why it doesn't smell spoiled."

"Alien preservatives?" Starscreech suggested from behind the Like a Sir drawing on his helmet.

Cometfur nodded. "Maybe."

"Everyone ready?" Oortcloud mewed, his paw resting on the button that would open the airlock. Four helmets dipped in approval. He pushed the button and they all squeezed into the tight airlock. They could've all fit comfortably had it not been for their clunky suit and large helmets. The door behind them closed, and the one in front of them opened to the outside world. Well, _parking lot._

To any other regular space travelers, this was a boring thing. But not to space noobs. The modules all lined up were breathtaking. They varied in size, shape, and even color. Some were very small, like a Belgian waffle maker. Others were big, like Space C.L.A.N.

Asteroidpelt wondered what species would need such space. _It must be huge,_ he thought. They jumped out of the NYAN 5, landing softly on the asphalt below. The low gravity felt awesome.

A small hovering speaker seemed to fly out of nowhere. "Welcome to The Mall," it said in a generic, yet sexy robot voice. "Please make your way to one of the four airlock tunnels. And please, have fun!" It flew away quickly, as if it was running on a tight schedule and had to greet more visitors.

"Well didn't you hear her?" Oortcloud meowed excitedly. "Let's have fun!"

Before he could dash off, Asteroidpelt called them all together. It felt awkward talking to them with authority after what happened back on Earth. He had spent hours at night trying to forget…

"W-we can't just run off in different directions." He cleared his throat. "I mean, we can't spend too much time here. We still have the mission and all. We need to stay together."

"I was about to suggest the same thing," Moondust mewed. She gave Asteroidpelt a look that said, _Getting warmer._ It was part of that special leader-medicine cat bond. Since Asteroidpelt was so unconfident, he often went to Moondust for advice. This was just a way of telling him, "Keep doing that."

"Let's split into teams," Cometfur called. "One team will be fun-loving and cool; the other will be kill-joy and boring." She backed away from the huddle of cats, but not before motioning for Oortcloud to join her.

The cream-colored tom padded over, smiling like a doofus. "I'm… cool?" He purred.

"Of course." Cometfur looked to Starscreech. "Cooler than them, anyway."

"Real cute," Starscreech chuckled. He gestured to Asteroidpelt. _Let's move._

* * *

Cometfur and Oortcloud padded confidently through the tunnel filled with strange and disturbing aliens. It was good to be out of that helmet. They had rented a locker near one of the entrances to the module docking area to be retrieved later. The air in the domes was clean and safe to breath. At least, there was oxygen.

They were on their way to Wal-Mart. The other group of cats had gone to some pet store to buy flea collars for them all. _Psh, as if I have fleas,_ Cometfur thought. They agreed to meet back up in the NYAN 5 at six 'o' clock PM, intergalactic time. Whatever that meant.

Oortcloud let out a small gasp. "I understand now!" He gave Cometfur a weird look.

"Understand what?"

"The Mall is just, 'Them All' with the M in a different spot." He looked at her as though the secrets of the universe had just been uncovered.

"Interesting…" She murmured, not really sure what to say.

"It is! It took me a while though, I mean-"

Oortcloud was cut short as Cometfur stopped treading forward. "There it is," she mewed in awe.

Before them towered Wal-Mart in its blue and white gleaming glory. Some unseen fan blew a black flag with a picture of the Milky Way galaxy around, giving them the illusion that there was wind over the building. Alien birds built there next in the huge lettering, just as they did on Earth.

"It's even more beautiful than I remembered." Oortcloud let out a sigh, as if remembering the Wal-Mart he lived at as a kit.

"Let's go." Cometfur hypnotically trotted towards the automatic sliding doors.

* * *

"Maybe we should just get them in colors to match our uniforms," Moondust suggested. They stood in the collar aisle of Galactic Pet, which was one of the Milky Way's most popular pet stores. In ways, the name was insulting since cats back on Earth were one of the main species of pets that twolegs kept. _We aren't pets,_ she murmured mentally.

"Sounds good," Asteroidpelt agreed. He grabbed five collars that would each match one of their uniforms and set them down. "I was also thinking we should get something to entertain us while we're traveling. It's getting boring up there."

"Right." Moondust grimaced, remembering the catnip incident. "How far is it to the next planet, anyway?"

"Less than a day," Asteroidpelt replied. "I asked Mr. Jingles about the planet we're going to. He said it has an estimated seven moons. Some of those might have an atmosphere and possibly even life."

"Great. Once we scan the main planet, we could still check out the moons." Moondust remembered their disappointment when they found out Catworld couldn't support them. Even if the next planet couldn't, there was still a chance one of its moons could.

Asteroidpelt nodded, awkwardly ending the conversation. He picked up the collars in his teeth and made his way to the register, which was manned by some gooey purple thing. He stood on his hind paws and used his fore ones to balance so he could reach the counter. He sat the collars down.

The aforementioned gooey thing looked up from a magazine titled, _Hot Rod Spacecraft._ His eyes seemed to be floating around in the purple stuff. "That'll be nine-ninety-nine," it said in an utmost bored tone that said: "I hate my job."

Asteroidpelt handed him the prepared "Thunderclan Credit" card from a pouch on his suit. He wasn't even sure if it would work. Maybe Firestar had set up some sort of intergalactic banking account?

The alien formed a tentacle with the goo and swiped the card. The register dinged, and the alien tossed the card down in front of Asteroidpelt. "_Have fun!"_ It said sarcastically.

Asteroidpelt noticed a name tag floating around in the goo. "Thanks, uh- Bob." He grabbed the collars and made for the exit. They would've bought cat litter here, but it would be a waste since they already had coupons for Wal-Mart. Moondust followed. "Why do we need flea collars anyway?" She inquired.

"Well," Asteroidpelt began. "I talked to Firestar last night. He said we need to take precautions. I mean, keep everyone as healthy as possible."

"Right," Moondust replied. She stopped walking and looked up, doing a quick three-sixty scan of the large parking lot area. "Wait. Where's Starscreech?"

* * *

"Can we go to the toy aisle?" Oortcloud pleaded like a kit wanting to start its training early. He tugged on Cometfur's tail and gave her the puppy eyes, which was ironic since he was a cat.

Cometfur pulled her tail away from him. "Will you stop?" She whispered into his ear. "Aliens are starting to look at us weird." She glanced around to see staring aliens avert their eyes quickly and walk away- but not without the classic "minding my own business" whistle.

"But I've dreamt of the toy aisle ever since I was a kit. I always watched twoleg kits walk out of Wal-Mart holding an awesome action figure." He paused for a moment, as if having a personal flashback. "I've always wanted an Optimus Prime toy."

On one paw, Cometfur felt sorry for him. How often did they come to Wal-Mart? Not often. When would he get another chance to buy an Optimus Prime action figure? Probably never. On the other paw, this was a serious and professional mission. Catsronauts such as themselves don't play with action figures. On the third paw, who was Cometfur to talk? She had almost killed a cat over a toy yesterday.

"Alright. Toy aisle. Then we go get the cat litter."

* * *

"He can handle himself," Asteroidpelt calmed the medicine cat. "He'll meet us back at the NYAN 5."

"Yeah…" Moondust sighed. "We agreed to stick together, though."

"I think he prefers solitude. He might have just needed some 'alone time.'" Asteroidpelt finally managed to get the plastic sack containing the collars around a small hook on his suit. "Let's go eliminate our boredom."

"What do you have in mind?" Moondust inquired. She looked around at the various stores and shops. Most of the aliens were taller than them, but the area wasn't crowded so she could see around easily. She read the illuminated names of the stores to Asteroidpelt. "Bad Math and Beyond, Mystery Hack- the "S" isn't lit up, De Arcade, and _The Fun Emporium_."

The cats both looked to each other. They both knew what the other was thinking. Great minds think alike. They couldn't take home an arcade machine.

"Well, the Mystery Hack sounds too mysterious and I don't even know what math is. I'm assuming it's bad." Asteroidpelt looked to The Fun Emporium. "Let's try that."

* * *

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Aisles exploded, light fixtures shattered, flames erupted. The entire store was tented orange. An explosion to her right flung helpless aliens straight over Cometfur's head. Their screams would stain her memories and bring horror with her forever, wherever she was.

What was happening, you ask? Oortcloud was happening. He went berserk after reading the price tag on an Optimus Prime action figure. His eye started twitching and his mouth even started foaming. At first Cometfur thought he was just joking around. But no, he was dead serious.

She heard his voice above all the other shrieks of terror. "Wow! That is _not_ a low price!"

Cometfur heard an extra explosion followed by his maniacal laughter. She added speed to her current velocity. A shattering skylight from above forced her to skid to a halt. The glass landed just a few tail-lengths in front of her. _How was he even capable of this? _She wondered.

She turned to her right and ran down the aerosol aisle, which was an awful idea. Just as she passed it, the cans of air freshener blew up behind her. The explosion added to the room's destruction, as well as the scent of flowers and meadow breeze.

Cometfur was pushed forward from the force of the shockwave. She was, however, lucky enough to not have been cut by any flying shards of metal. She blacked out for a few moments as she hit the ground, glad that the obnoxious ringing in her ears blocked out the sound of destruction.

As the ringing faded, she could hear voices calling her. For a split second, she thought it was Starclan warriors coming to retrieve her. She looked around and saw a small purple alien sitting next to a larger purple alien under an aisle shelf. She didn't have time to look for small details; she just got up and ran for the cover.

Once under the safety of the shelf, she saw that the little purple alien was looking around at the destruction with wide black eyes and a huge grin on his face. Was he actually enjoying this?

Well, Cometfur was actually the type to admire explosions when they weren't trying to kill her. Once again, who was she to talk?

The large purple alien looked a bit more worried. She kept wincing at the explosions and trying to cover the small alien's eyes.

The small alien pointed a stubby arm to someone out of Cometfur's sight and said, "Look Mama! He's gonna 'splode!"

Another explosion flared up, causing Cometfur herself to wince. She kept shaking her head, trying to get her ears to quit ringing. No use.

A calm female voice echoed throughout the store on an intercom. "Five minutes until store is flushed. Evacuate immediately."

Cometfur had no idea what a "flush" was, but she didn't like it. She had to get out of here, preferably with Oortcloud.

She just noticed that the small alien was cradling something in its arms. It was an Optimus Prime toy.

* * *

"This is amazing!" Asteroidpelt mewed in awe. He and Moondust strolled through the Fun Emporium, which was indeed fun. It was like a mortal version of Starclan. The building somehow seemed bigger on the inside. The ceiling stretched more than twenty tail-lengths high, the walls were gleaming white, and fluorescent light bulbs radiated golden light from above.

An anonymous bubble machine blew a cloud of bubbles around a section of the store. Even the creatures roaming the emporium seemed to glow with health.

"What are we waiting for?" Moondust hissed quietly before frolicking into the cloud of bubbles. She came out a few seconds later with a soapy pelt.

* * *

Cometfur ran with all her might. She was still careful to keep the unpackaged toy firmly gripped in her jaw. She heard Oortcloud behind her as she stomped across the parking lot. Just a bit further… She saw the airlock tunnel was just ahead. She couldn't resist the urge to glance behind her.

The moment she saw Oortcloud she was reminded of yesterday's accident. This was some sort of long-term psychological torment, though. He had wanted that toy his entire life; nothing was going to stop him from having it now. He had a crazed look in his eye and was making strange guttural sounds.

Cometfur decided to keep looking forward. She could hear the intercom behind her counting down to whatever a "flush" meant.

"Ten… nine… eight…"

She finally reached the crowd of aliens being funneled into the airlock tunnel. She pushed around their legs, causing some to trip and fall.

"Seven… six… five…"

The crowd seemed to be moving faster now. She realized she had made it into the airlock tunnel.

"Four…"

She looked back to catch a glimpse of Wal-Mart at its final hour. The flag that once flew freely was now tattered and in flames. The lettering had fallen off to say, "Wal- art."

"Three… two…"

The air was suddenly knocked from her lungs as Oortcloud collided with her. They rolled around for a moment before Cometfur remembered that they were safe in the tunnel. She opened her jaw, releasing the toy just as the voice on the intercom said, "One."

The door to the Wal-Mart air dome suddenly shut tightly. Oortcloud even stopped to watch. The dome over the store split open, reminding them both of the Red Giant's cargo hold. Cars and random objects flew out into the vacuum of space. Even some aliens were flung away.

As soon as the dome was completely opened, huge clamps around the store's base released their grip, allowing Wal-Mart to be ripped away from its foundation and sucked into space.

_A bit of an over-kill?_ Cometfur thought in shock.

"Thank you thank you thank you!" Oortcloud meowed over and over to Cometfur, hugging his new toy. He didn't notice the furious stares from the surrounding aliens.

* * *

"Hey, guys!" Cometfur mewed to her fellow Mappers. It was exactly six 'o' clock and all but one of them were present at the NYAN 5.

"Uh…" Asteroidpelt uttered. "Didn't you get the litter?"

"Well, in my defense," Cometfur began. "Retrieving the cat litter was a major risk to my health and well-being. Plus, Wal-Mart no longer exists here."

You could hear the air hiss from Moondust's lungs. "What happened?"

"It's a long story," Oortcloud began for her. "It started when I checked the price tag on-"

"Nevermind!" Moondust hissed. "I don't want to know."

As the conversation continued, Asteroidpelt noticed a note stuck to the NYAN 5. He padded closer until he was able to read it.

_I've got a surprise for you! Come on up and see it! ;P_

_Love,  
Starscreech _

_(A heart was drawn next to the tom's name.)_

"Huh." Asteroidpelt wondered how Starscreech was able to get back to the C.L.A.N. without using the module. "I guess we'll go up then."

* * *

The door opened to the cargo room. The cats walked in and they gladly took off their helmets. They trotted to the bridge silently, wondering what Starscreech had in store for them. As they walked through the hallway to the bridge, they noticed that all the writing along the walls had been painted over with a grey color. Had Starscreech cleaned up the ship?

The door to the bridge opened and the cats were stricken with awe. The room had been repainted with more soothing colors. Instead of a clean white, the room was now multicolored. It was mainly black, along with blue and red in some places. That would be more soothing on the eyes after a nap.

A disco ball hung from the ceiling over the star map, reflecting even more colors around the room. Nippy sat at a DJ booth in the corner next to the medicine cabinet, working the turntables. Hardcore dubstep echoed throughout the room.

Starscreech stood next to Nippy, watching the master at work. He heard the door open and turned to greet the returning cats.

"How did this… happen?" Was all Moondust could muster.

"I spun a wheel and won a ship makeover," Starscreech mewed in his monotone voice.

The other cats looked on in astonishment. He made winning a prize sound ridiculously easy.

"So… you've been up here all this time?" Asteroidpelt questioned.

"Yes, I saw an interesting, colorful wheel back in Galactic Pet. I just had to spin it." Starscreech gestured to the room around them. "Like it?"

"Well-" Asteroidpelt began before he was cut short by Oortcloud.

"I love it!" Oortcloud meowed happily, accidentally dropping his new toy. For a split second both he and Cometfur wore a look a shock. The toy collided with the ground with a sickening crack. He slowly and gently picked it up off the ground. It seemed to be in one piece. He thought too soon though, as the head popped off with a comical "boing" sound.

"Autobots! Transform and roll-" Optimus' voice faded away distortedly.

Oortcloud' left eye twitched uncontrollably. Cometfur ran for cover, expecting the entire ship to be in flames within seconds. Oortcloud inhaled deeply, about to unleash a caterwaul. Before he could say anything, he simply fell to the ground, asleep. He must've been tired after demolishing Wal-Mart earlier.

Cometfur exhaled in relief while wiping imaginary sweat off her forehead with her paw. "Let's just convince him that the entire trip to Wal-Mart was a dream." She went to dispose of the toy.

The other cats nodded. It was for the better. It would be complicated though, considering their ship actually did get a makeover.

"Greetings, cats," spoke a voice from the speakers around the room. It sounded like Mr. Jingles, but without the pauses between every word.

"We got a software upgrade as well," Starscreech explained.

"Alright. Resume course to the next planet," Asteroidpelt concluded as he passed out flea collars among the group.

* * *

"I've planted the bug," Hissed a high ranking robo-cat. He was disguised cleverly as a cat food salesman. Behind him stood something no cat could resist. A colorful prize wheel. Ninety-nine percent of the wheel was green and labeled "WINNER." Only the remaining one percent read "LOSER."

"Very good," murmured its leader over their communications link. "Even I couldn't have thought of a plan that only had a one percent chance of failure."

"What shall I do now?" The robotic cat waited for further orders.

"We wait. It will be easy to follow them now that we can hear every word they say." The tom looked thoughtful. "The trail of jettisoned cat litter was their one fatal mistake."

A headless Optimus Prime toy drifted by the glass windshield. "…Roll out."

* * *

**A/N: I experimented a bit with this chapter. Did I go a bit overboard with the amount of scene switches? (correct term?) I felt it was necessary in chapter one, but I'm not sure about this one. **

**I was sick of the way Mr. Jingles talked. It was a pain to both read and write. I hope what I have now works better.**

**The next chapter is big. It's actually the first chapter so far that I've been planning since before I started writing it. I'm not sure if it will come fast or slow, though.**

**This series will be going on for a while, but I somehow have already written the ending for it. I'll just say it leaves a window open for a sequel and probably a prequel. ;) I have also begun writing the prologue to another fanfiction. Keeping it all under wraps for now.**


	6. E105: Combatant Crossover

**A/N: I ran into a little problem while writing this chapter that set me back a few days. It was a mix-up between the cat's ship and their landing module. I had to go back through the entire chapter correcting the mistakes. If you spot any errors regarding the "Space C.L.A.N." or "NYAN 5," don't hesitate to tell me so I can fix it! ;P (Actually, any errors in general)**

**Aside from a frustrating mistake, I had fun writing this chapter. It's the longest chapter and most unique yet. It also inspired an Invader Zim fanfiction, which I am currently writing. Slowly but surely…**

**Ejony Cpetahr Six! Can you read that?**

* * *

Space C.L.A.N.

E105: Combatant Crossover

* * *

"Crypto!" Shouted a particularly annoying hologram. "Inferior races are holding a tournament for _weapons!_"

"So? Why should I care?" The Furon replied. "If the tournament is held by 'inferior' races, how would their weapons be better than ours?" He continued blasting humans into tiny pieces and telepathically throwing them around.

"If they really are giving away the technology described in the advertisement, it must have been made by_ superior_ beings! Not as superior as _us, _though! Furthermore, I can always add my own modifications- upgrades- using furotech cells." Orthopox 13 said. "Besides, Crypto. More weapons to… wait for it. …_Destroy all Humans!_"

Crypto hesitated. New weapons? He always loved blowing stuff up. What if the weapons they had were even more destructive than the ones he has now? Even if they weren't, they were still new weapons. New weapons were always a fun time. "In that case, I'll head back to the saucer."

* * *

"GIR! Get over here!" Called a very demanding Irken in his unique, metallic voice.

"Whaaaat is it?" The idiot robot answered. He dove out of the kitchen and into the living room. He was covered in waffle syrup and was drinking out of his mug with the word, "SUCK" on it.

"I'm going to planet Cephatar to compete in a tournament. One of the prizes is new weapon technology." The short, green alien put the tips of his fingers together and started chuckling deviously. His robotic servant looked at him in curiosity. It then began laughing hysterically. It didn't sound evil at all.

Little did they know, they were being watched. A boy in a spy suit crawled along the ceiling of their strange house. "Zim's leaving his house under the watch of his robot?" He whispered to himself. This was great! That robot would practically invite him inside the alien's house.

Zim eyed his SIR unit carefully. "Leave the door locked and don't answer for _anyone!"_ He unknowingly sounded like a human mother worried about leaving her worm-baby home alone.

GIR nodded, which wasn't very encouraging.

"Alright. To the Voot Cruiser! When I get back the hoo-mans will be cowering in their homes! I am _ZIIIIIM!"_

* * *

"Ratchet, I received a transmission about a tournament in the alpha quadrant." The robot known as Clank pulled up a holo-vid advertisement for the competition. "It says they are giving away RYNO weaponry to the winner."

Ratchet, who was currently working under the hood of his ship, stopped what he was doing. "We already have like, five RYNO weapons, Clank. I don't think we need anymore." The orange and brown striped alien remembered back to all the fun times they had with the other models of the RYNO while saving the galaxy.

"But if the technology is put into the wrong hands, we will have a potential threat running amuck." Clank reminded his friend of all those space terrorists they had dealt with in the past. They had almost died stopping some of them.

"But this 'potential threat' could be the antagonist to our new game! We haven't had a decent one in years! If we stop him early, it might be cancelled."

Clank did a moment of thinking. "I see your logic Ratchet, but we need to ignore selfish needs such as that. The potential threat will be easier to stop when it's not a full threat."

"Ugh, alright," The alien known as the Lombax decided. He put his wrench away and closed the hood on his ship. "Let's just hope Insomniac doesn't go out of business when we stop the antagonist early."

And with that, the two heroes climbed into their ship and flew off.

* * *

Inside the C.L.A.N. lay a dark and gloomy atmosphere. When the cats slept, so did the ship. They _were _the life of it, after all. Soft snores echoed around as four sleepy warriors slowly became less sleepy. That _was_ the whole point of sleep, you know?

What's that? You're thinking, "why only _four_ sleepy warriors?" Well, Nippy wasn't included because he isn't a warrior, obviously. Perhaps you meant to question why only four _cats_ were sleeping. That is because one was wide awake and on the prowl.

The shadowy figure moved silently. It moved away from its den and towards the cargo bay, treading without a sound. It had been sure to keep its intentions a secret. Nobody could know.

It eventually reached the cargo bay, where the cat began to seek out the room to the hangar. It needed the landing module. Not long ago, they had arrived at their next planet. It was big, to say the least. It even had multiple moons orbiting.

The kitty stepped into the module known as the NYAN 5. It prepped the module for landing while checking twice to make sure that it had its suit. It was there, lying where it should be in the corner of the module.

* * *

Moondust yawned. She hadn't slept that good in many sunrises. Or whatever you called it in space, since the sun wasn't as visible as it used to be. She stared out the glass hull at the front of the ship, watching the planet below them.

It was beautiful. The planet reflected light from its own star straight into her eyes. You could even make out a vague ring of small asteroids circling the planet. It was a treat to look at.

Mr. Jingle's voice caused her to look away from the hypnotizing sphere. "Receiving transmission from the planet's surface…"

Every cat in the bridge looked up from what they were doing. A transmission from the planet? Could that mean…

A holographic rectangle suddenly popped up in front of their seats at the front of the ship and began playing an informative advertisement.

"_Do you like watching aliens fight to the death in a coliseum filled with thousands of cheering tourists?" The video showed a huge roman coliseum in a desert biome. "I know I do! Come on down to De Arena, where memories are made." The speaker's voice was extremely obnoxious. The screen panned around a large room filled with vendors and concession stands. "Everything you need is here, so land at this location today!" The screen displayed a set of coordinates._

There was an awkward pause in the room. The cat's minds raced at high speeds.

"We so have to do that," Meowed Oortcloud in utter amazement. He had a dreamy look in his eye.

"Does that mean the planet has atmosphere?" Asteroidpelt mewed excitedly, completely ignoring Oortcloud's suggestion.

"Well," Moondust began, "It wouldn't hurt to check it out. We could enjoy ourselves and learn about the planet at the same time."

Asteroidpelt looked to Moondust, making suspenseful eye contact. "Do you think we've found it?"

Her tail twitched in amusement. "I sure hope so."

"I had weird dreams last night," Oortcloud butted in. "One was about this ninja who infiltrated this strange house with _lawn gnomes_ and _flamingos_ in the front yard."

Asteroidpelt and Moondust stared at him strangely. How do two sane cats reply to that?

"I guess that proves that dreams can be just as weird as the people who have them," Cometfur meowed, groggily walking into the bridge. "What's for breakfast?"

"What's always for breakfast?" Moondust hissed sarcastically.

"Well! Somebody woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning," Cometfur hissed back.

"My bed is circular! There _is no_ wrong side of it!"

"There was a painting of a green monkey in the living room." Oortcloud sure knew how to silence a room.

Asteroidpelt put a paw on the grey tom's shoulder. "There are some things that you should leave to yourself, Oortcloud." He then looked to Cometfur, who was munching cat food from her bowl. "We're going to a tournament to watch aliens fight to the death, by the way."

She almost choked on her food at the announcement. "We're _what?"_

"We saw this advertisement a few moments ago," Moondust added grouchily. "It looked cool, so we're doing it, like it or not."

_Something between her and Cometfur has her tail in a knot,_ Asteroidpelt assumed. It could've just been natural sibling bickering for all he knew. She seemed to be in a great mood before Cometfur walked in. He decided it might be best to stay out of it.

"Somebody wake up Starscreech. We're leaving as soon as we're all ready."

* * *

"I've been meowing at his door forever!" Oortcloud hissed, frustrated. He quit pacing outside the door and sat down.

"Uh, I didn't mean for it to go _that_ far." Asteroidpelt looked worried, as if Starscreech would come out and silence his "alarm" at any moment. "I just wanted you to knock on the door or something."

"Oh, right." Oortcloud went up to the door and hit it a few times with his paw. Knocking on doors is quite hard for a cat.

Asteroidpelt face-pawed. "Don't you think he's awake now, if you've been meowing nonstop for the past half-hour?"

Oortcloud's whiskers twitched in amazement. "I see why you were chosen for leader now. You're smart!"

Asteroidpelt broke eye contact and stared at the wall next to him. "Well, I-I think we all had our chances. It was probably just that it was Thunderclan's turn to have a leader on the mission."

"Obviously," Oortcloud mewed. "But any other Thunderclan warrior could have been chosen to lead."

Asteroidpelt realized he had interpreted Oortcloud's statement the wrong way. "Oh, right."

"Anyways," Oortcloud continued. "I'm glad Firestar chose you!" And with that final sentence, he scampered off to fulfill whatever it is Oortclouds do.

Asteroidpelt smiled. He was now sure that at least-

His thoughts faded away as a heavenly light appeared before him. A translucent, blue-tinted she cat seemed to appear out of nowhere. It was a Starclan warrior. Realization took place, and Asteroidpelt saw that this cat was Bluestar, Thunderclan's previous leader.

She reached a paw forward, as if inviting him to join her. Was he dying? Or perhaps even receiving his nine lives of a leader?

Before he could accept her extended paw, she slapped him across the face. She moved closer, so that their noses were just a mouse-length apart. "Cats. Don't. _Smile."_

She vanished as quickly as she came, leaving Asteroidpelt with a bruised face and determination to never smile again in his life. What a weird occurrence.

Shrugging it off, he assumed Starscreech wanted to sleep in, so he padded down the hallway, back towards the bridge. It's time to go see some aliens fight to the death. It was probably a good thing he didn't have nine lives anyway, because then he would die nine times as often as every other cat.

"Should we take our suits?" Asteroidpelt heard Cometfur say all the way from her chair in the bridge. He ran to catch up.

"Just in case," Moondust answered. Asteroidpelt saw the two cats through the large doors, each relaxing in their respective seats. He ran into the room to find them all ready for lift off. Or in the case of landing, lift _down_.

* * *

"Running atmospheric scan," Mr. Jingles said. The four cats sat waiting inside the Space C.L.A.N. for the results to come up on a monitor. The ship had landed vertically, so everything was now sideways again, as it had been on Earth.

The temperature came up first. It was a hot one hundred-seven degrees Fahrenheit. Hopefully the arena was air conditioned.

The second thing to come up was the amount of oxygen in the air. This planet had an overall greater oxygen density than Earth, though this particular area of the planet was highly polluted. They would need to wear helmets, much to their disappointment.

The gravity on this planet was stronger than Earth, too. It would be harder to walk after being so used to Earth's gravity and the similar artificial gravity of the C.L.A.N ship.

That pretty much covered the basics. They would be fine since they were wearing helmets anyway. They all gathered in the tight airlock that was added when Starscreech won the ship makeover. Whoever designed the ship forgot to add an airlock! What a mouse-brain. The outside airlock opened, and the cats were introduced to a whole new world.

First of all, it was _nothing_ like the place they saw in the advertisement. The ad showed a Roman style coliseum in a lonely desert. In reality, it was a modern stadium surrounded by towering skyscrapers and hovercrafts. It was new, to say the least. Not even twolegs could have built buildings as high as that.

They slowly moved across the smooth asphalt towards the stadium. "I'll wait here, then," Mr. Jingles said sadly from the landing ship. The cats ignored him. For the umpteenth time, they were stricken in amazement at the sight of alien civilization.

Technically, _they_ were the aliens now. They were the ones setting paw on some other species' territory. It was such a strange feeling…

They neared the ticket booth, and to their utter disgust saw a waiting line. Even in advanced alien civilization, _lines existed._

* * *

Stepping inside the lobby was awesome as well. It was just… nothing like any of the cats had seen before. There were posters lining the wall advertising upcoming tournaments, statues of what must have been legendary combatants, and concession stands all around. There were also a few hallways that led to the actual stadium.

The cats were glad to take off their helmets and store them in a nearby locker. The entire arena was air-tight.

"Today's tournament begins in five minutes," Announced some unseen alien.

"I have to use the litterbox." Oortcloud made his own little announcement. "Badly," He added.

"Well, since we so strongly disapprove of letting a single cat roam around, I'll go with you," Asteroidpelt replied. The two toms marched off in search of the restrooms, leaving Moondust and Oortcloud to the concessions.

"Let's get some popcorn," Cometfur suggested. She began walking to one of the vendors.

"Hold up," Moondust called over the anonymous voices. Cometfur stopped treading forward. "Why should we get popcorn just because _you_ want it?"

Cometfur hissed in annoyance. "Oh, I don't know! Maybe because everybody loves popcorn and it's the number one food for entertainment?" She turned around to face her sibling.

"Well, maybe everyone would prefer pretzels!" Moondust moved closer to Cometfur, trying to show her dominance.

Some bipedal alien nudged his friend, who was beside him. "Check it out. Cat fight."

"Well, order one yourself!" Cometfur laughed a bit. Moondust was so stupid. Why must she always have it her way?

"I'm not saying I want a pretzel." Moondust face-pawed. "I'm saying, you should consider that maybe not everyone likes popcorn."

Cometfur's tail twitched in annoyance. "_That's_ what this is over?"

Moondust was getting frustrated. That wasn't what she wanted to say. "I meant, you shouldn't decide for the whole group."

"Moondust," Cometfur began. The medicine cat was now close enough for Cometfur to reach out and rest her paw on her sister's shoulder. "You're getting all worked up over a snack-food."

"I am not getting 'all worked up.' Even if I was, it wouldn't be because of the popcorn, either." Moondust shrugged Cometfur's paw away from her. "You're just too inconsiderate. It's really starting to get on my nerves."

* * *

Asteroidpelt waited in the hallway outside the restrooms. The room was fairly quiet. This also meant that it was boring. He checked the clock on the wall to find that they had three minutes before the tourney started. He continued to wait patiently, though, to not disturb his friend. He was just considerate like that.

* * *

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" A crowd had gathered around the two she-cats, chanting wildly. Their little squabble had escalated into a bunch of growls and snarls between each other. It didn't look pretty.

Moondust wasn't going to back down now. If she let Cometfur order popcorn after such a huge argument, she'll think she can get away with anything. At least, she read that in a guide titled "Parenting 101."

"Moondust! You're being ridiculous!" Cometfur growled. She was wary of the on looking aliens chanting for them to fight. All she was going to do was order popcorn for the group. If Asteroidpelt or Oortcloud didn't like it, they could go and get something different. But Moondust had to _make sure_ everyone was happy. It was like she had to watch over the group like her own kits and make sure no one had a bad day.

Moondust didn't reply. She prepared to leap at Cometfur, but was settled by a tap at her shoulder. A tall and skinny blue thing stood over her. It looked like it was wearing one of those comedic "disguises," though it could have actually been part of its face.

"You can buy individual kid's meals so everyone gets what they want," It said in an extremely bored tone, like that alien who sold them the flea collars.

…Which everybody had ditched after wearing it for more than two minutes.

Moondust's fur almost immediately lied flat. She sat back on her haunches as if nothing had ever happened. "We'll do that." She made eye contact with Cometfur. "_I'll_ have a pretzel."

* * *

The restroom door finally opened.

"Thank Starclan, we only have one minute," Asteroidpelt meowed, letting out a sigh of relief.

"You wouldn't believe how fancy the soap is in there!" Oortcloud mewed in awe.

Asteroidpelt felt a brief urge to run in and see for himself. He decided that that would not be proper and would only waste time. They moved in the direction of the lobby, hurriedly.

Upon re-entering the lobby, they were able to see Cometfur drenching her popcorn in butter on the far side of the room. They trotted over to her.

"Join Moondust in line," The white and grey she-cat said without even looking away from the butter dispenser. Asteroidpelt briefly worried she would have a heart attack from all the butter she would soon consume. She also seemed to be depressed by something. Maybe it was the way she didn't react to the butter overflowing from her bowl of popcorn that gave it away. Oh, well.

Asteroidpelt turned to see Moondust standing in line, waving them down. He followed Oortcloud, who was already standing next to her.

"I want some _Laffy Taffy!_" Oortcloud meowed. He said this as though he were merely a kit who was asking his mother for a special kind of prey from the fresh-kill pile.

"Okay." Moondust scanned the menu for the requested candy. Asteroidpelt thought he sensed something different about her as well. He was no detective, but he noticed her voice sounded strained. Did they miss conflict? Surely not. He dismissed the thought and decided that he would have a pretzel. Popcorn was just too mainstream.

* * *

The cats finally located their seats. They had to find the ones in the stadium that corresponded to the numbers on their tickets. It wasn't easy, but they eventually found a map that guided them to their spot. The arena wasn't exactly how they expected it.

Instead of a sandy, Roman coliseum with alien lions and chariots, they got something _much_ different. There was a floor to the arena, instead of having the sand. There were six doors placed at equal intervals around the arena, allowing for six combatants, perhaps? It looked more like an inverted circular theatre than an arena. There were even colored spotlights hanging above the crowd with clamps and safety cord. It was air-conditioned, too.

The kitties got all comfy and waited for the show to start. Asteroidpelt looked to his right to converse with Oortcloud. He had trouble speaking over the other hundreds of voices in the stadium. "How's the taffy?"

The grey tom lowered his jaw, revealing that all of the taffy had been stuffed into his mouth at once. He tried speaking, but only a small gurgling sound was emitted. Asteroidpelt turned back to the empty arena without another word.

The announcer said the show was going to start three minutes ago. And that was three minutes ago! The leader of Space C.L.A.N. shook the excessive salt off of his pretzel and took a bite. Yum.

Without warning, a loud voice boomed throughout the stadium. "Welcome to Le Arena," It spoke, its voice sounding almost robotic. "Tonight we will witness a legendary battle between six different species. Our first contestant, originating from planet Veldin…" The crowd cheered.

A floodlight flickered on over what appeared to be a bi-pedal lion with a toaster on its back. It was a yellow-orange color, with brown stripes along its fur, most noticeably on its large ears. It wore a green and silver armor with the word "Gadgetron" along the sleeve. The only reason anyone could read that was because the furry alien's image was on huge screens around the stadium. It waved to the crowd, obviously glad to be competing.

"A Lombax known as Ratchet," The announcer continued. "Interesting fact: This Lombax might actually be the _last_ of its species."

Asteroidpelt's eyes widened. If you were supposedly the last of your species, why would you go around competing in life-or-death tournaments?

"Our second contestant gave up valuable time destroying Earth to be here tonight," The announcer moved on. The cats gasped. Some alien was destroying Earth? Maybe twolegs weren't the only enemies here.

"A Furon known as Cryptosporidium 137." The light above the alien turned on, revealing its appearance. This might be how most people would imagine aliens to look like. He had thick, wrinkly, grey skin with two large reflective eyes on its face. Its cranium was large, containing a massive brain. Its mouth was curved to make it look as though it were frowning. Or maybe it wasn't curved and he was just frowning. Who knew? It wore a tight-fitting white suit and its arms fidgeted, as if it couldn't stand not holding a gun.

"Our third contestant for the night…" The crowd quieted. "…Who is preparing Earth for the colonization of his own kind, the Irkens." The crowd cheered like maniacs.

The cats didn't know how to react. How many things were trying to take over their home planet as of right now?

The light above the Irken turned on, just as all the others did. A short, green alien stood beneath it. Forget about the last one,_ this_ was how most people would imagine aliens to look like.

It had two large magenta eyes with no visible pupil. They stood out in contrast with its dark green skin. It also had two large antennae. The Irken wore a purple tunic with black gloves and boots, and had a weird oblong semi-sphere on its back.

"And on this side of the arena, we have three more well-known combatants." All the cameras filming the event panned to the other section of the arena. "Let's hear a warm welcome for…" One spotlight turned on above an odd alien. It looked like a dolphin… with muscular twoleg arms. "Aoshima!" The alien writhed on the ground making dolphin sounds as it couldn't do much with just arms.

The crowd roared with applause, while the cats sat stricken with wonder. What was that thing so famous for?

"Our second famed guest tonight," the announcer continued. "Going by the name, 'Raj,' is here to reveal his identity for the first time…" Another light was toggled a few dozen feet from Aoshima. A familiar face rested beneath it.

The crowd gasped. The cats assumed it wasn't what they were expecting. It actually wasn't what they were expecting either. The crowd went from confused chatter to applause of approval. Raj stood in the light, waving to the crowd. Yes, Raj. It was the same guy who had refueled their ship a few sunrises ago. Who knew he was going to be competing tonight? Small galaxy, huh?

"And our final combatant for the night, who is also revealing his identity for the first time…" The crowd got quiet again, adding to the suspense. "You know him as Grumpykat4…"

Asteroidpelt heard a voice from behind him say: "I subscribed to his channel on YouTube!"

The lights came on, revealing the alien's identity. This time, it was different. Instead of the crowd gasping and the cats being silent, it was the cats who gasped. Beneath the harsh light stood Starscreech. Unlike with Raj, the crowd didn't cheer after a few moments. They all just sat there in awkward silence.

Asteroidpelt heard the same voice from behind say: "He's actually a cat!?"

Even Raj looked surprise. He pointed to Starscreech and yelled out, "Hey! I know you!" Realization hit him like a slap to the face. "You _actually are _Grumpy Cat!"

Moondust was in disbelief. Did Starscreech live some kind of double life online that they didn't know about? She remembered back to the refueling station, when they met Raj.

"'_R' stands for Raj, my famous online identity." The alien said proudly._

_Starscreech's eyes widened. "You mean, you're _the _Raj?"_

Moondust may not have been focusing at the time, but she picked up a few sentences here and there. There was one thing she was worried about. This was a "fight to the death," so Starscreech would either die or leave a winner. Not good. Raj and Aoshima might not have been much of a problem, but the Furon and Irken would definitely be difficult to defeat if they were chosen to destroy Earth by their own kind. She had no idea how well the Lombax could fight.

And how had Starscreech gotten down here, anyway? It's not like he would've taken the landing mod- Moondust face-pawed.

"The winner of tonight's contest will be rewarded greatly," The announcer continued. "The winner will choose one of three prizes. Money, RYNO weapon technology that's illegal in 37 galaxies-"

The Furon and Irken smiled deviously at the mention of the weapon. The Lombax saw this and put on a face of pure determination.

"Or, land," The announcer finished.

_That was it!_ Moondust realized. Starscreech was competing because he wanted to win land for the mission! But couldn't he have at least told them? She nibbled on her pretzel.

"I won't waste time explaining the rules, since you have surely all read about them on our website already."

Moondust looked to Asteroidpelt- who was sitting to her right- worriedly. Were they actually supposed to go to the Le Arena's website first? What mouse-brain designed this program?

A light flashed on in the center of the arena. Where the light shone, an odd-looking computer rose from the ground. It had six faces, each with their own separate monitor and keyboard. Bright multi-colored lights flew around the arena randomly and dramatic electronic music played.

An air-horn sounded, which must've been some kind of signal, because the combatants all rushed towards their respective screen on the computer. Except for Aoshima, who continued to flop around. _Going to get some kind of briefing? _Moondust wondered. She had no idea what was going on. The screams of excitement from the crowd told her that something exciting was sure to happen.

The five combatants arrived at the computer at about the same time. They all pressed a button next to the keyboard and waited for a response. Brightly colored purple lettering blinked onto the screens that said, "Pak-Ship." The combatants didn't look very hostile towards each other either.

_Maybe they were preparing for the tournament, or something, _Moondust thought. She expected they were making their selection of deadly weapons and armor. Instead, they all engaged in an old arcade game in which they played as a ship collecting asteroids and running from deadly aliens in a symmetrical maze.

"The first one to score ten thousand points wins!" The announcer called. The Furon, Irken, and Lombax looked extremely confused. They had not read Le Arena's website either and expected it to be a fight to the death, as it stated in the very misleading advertisement. Aoshima's expression was hard to read. Starscreech and Raj both looked determined to win, pushing buttons on the keyboard frantically.

Moondust and Asteroidpelt turned to make eye contact. _Wiieeerd,_ they both thought. So, Starscreech was some kind of internet gamer? Wow. Neither of them would _ever _have guessed. Besides, how could he have had access to technology back at the lake? Either he had adapted to the spoils of C.L.A.N. life quickly, or he had secrets of his own before the mission had even begun. Their curiosity spiked.

Back in the arena, five competitors mashed away at their keyboards. The cats had no idea how tell who was winning, but after just a few minutes Raj stepped away from the computer, his arms stretching towards the ceiling in satisfaction. He gave Starscreech a smirk and for the first time, the dark tom glared back at him.

"And the winner is Raj!" The announcer called. Some alien that looked like a toothpick walked out into the arena to stand next to Raj, who was holding his head high in pride. "Let's get a round of applause for today's winner!"

The stadium was filled with mixed emotions. Some of the crowd cheered, while others remained silent. The most noticeable reactions were that of the contestants. The Irken and Furon both looked like they were about to explode with rage. How had they lost to such an incompetent being?

Someone from the audience shouted, "You're green!" directed at the Furon, even though he was clearly grey. The alien walked out of the arena, looking like he was about to go snap someone's neck.

The Irken was shouting from his place near the computer. "_If I don't get my hands on weapons soon, I will _never_ prove my worth to the Tallest!" _He stamped his foot on the ground, throwing a fit.

The Lombax looked relieved that the Furon or Irken didn't win the potential weapon prize. He still looked to Raj in anticipation, not even caring that he himself lost.

Aoshima flopped around on the floor a bit before passing out.

Starscreech's expression was difficult to read. It might've been a look of hatred, as he was trying to win land for the clans. It also could have been a look of respect that said, "Well played."

"And what shall your prize be?" The walking toothpick said, his voice matching the announcer's. _Oh! _Moondust realized. That _was_ the announcer.

"I'll have the cash prize!" Raj exclaimed without hesitation. He did a little dance to show his excitement after winning the tourney. This ended in a comical pose in an attempt to look heroic. "I'm going to buy a _warship_!"

His last sentence caused the Lombax to narrow his eyes, as if imagining him as the potential threat.

The toothpick guy handed Raj a card. That's right. _Hands._ Moondust was just as surprised as you are. Raj took the card and held it close to his face, letting out a high-pitch squeal and jumping from foot to foot. He then stuffed the card into a pocket on his purple shirt and ran out of the arena, hands held high in victory.

_That was something, _the Mappers thought in unison, except for Oortcloud, who was currently lost in his laffy taffy.

* * *

"Launch the attack," Said the deputy's leader over a communications device. That was obviously the signal. He pressed a button on a nearby panel that read: "Armageddon." A shiny cylinder was shot out of the ship towards the glistening surface of planet Cephatar.

Using highly advanced guidance systems, it was able to pinpoint its exact landing spot. It would land right in the parking lot of the coliseum. They would intentionally take up two parking places, when they only needed one.

This was the face of evil.

They landed with a loud thud, causing the asphalt below them to crack. There was even a crater left behind by the pod. After a few moments of preparation, eight panels along the side opened up, allowing eight robo-cats to leap out.

_This_ was the army, you ask? Well, I'll have you know these robo-cats were upgraded models. They had no weakness, as the "ON/OFF" switch was now held into the "ON" position by scotch tape. The Mappers had no chance of winning this one…

* * *

The cute, fwuffy, widdle kitties padded out into the lobby after the show. It wasn't quite what they were expecting, but it was interesting nonetheless. Who would've guessed that one of their own would be competing?

Asteroidpelt did a quick scan of the surrounding area, hoping to find Mr. "Grumpykat4." Instead, he found a small crowd gathered up in a tight area. Moving closer, he caught a glimpse of the shady tom through gaps in the huddle.

The deputy looked quite pleased with the attention. Holding his head and tail high, he marched across the lobby as fast as it was physically possible with all the screaming fans around him. He ignored all pleads for an autograph as he was going to get his helmet. The cats pursued.

"Please, give me some space!" Starscreech hissed. The crowd backed off a few mouse-lengths. He finally reached the personal lockers next to the airlock leading outside. He put in a password and received his helmet. After taking a brief moment to put it on, he continued into the airlock, but not before calling: "Follow me on Twitter!"

As all this was happening, the cats moved around the crowd in frustration, trying to draw the celebrity's attention. He didn't notice them. After Starscreech left the lobby, the fans ran off, probably to find one of the other competitors to crowd.

The cats stood there feeling very displeased. First of all, why was Starscreech more open to his fans than he was to them? Second, what was Oortcloud doing? He stood at the back of the group, trying to speak around all the candy stuffed into his mouth to the point where he could not chew. He was gesturing with his head into the airlock. The other cats turned to look.

Outside in the parking lot of the arena, six robo-cats moved dutifully towards the doors. Asteroidpelt involuntarily groaned. Scorpiustail _had_ been following them, and this was _not_ the place he wanted to be when he caught up. He would have urged the group to move out of sight, had he not remembered that the glass was tinted so that you could not see inside. "We have to get back to the ship."

Moondust eyed him curiously. "How do you propose we do that with them at the entrance?"

Asteroidpelt mentally called himself a mouse-brain. "Maybe we could run past them," He suggested. The other cats looked at him like he was crazy. "If we could run past them, then we could get to our ship and fly off."

Cometfur scoffed. "Have you forgotten what could be waiting for us up there?" Oortcloud stood by her and nodded furiously, wheezing around the taffy.

The tabby tom sighed. "I think our chances would be better if we were in the C.L.A.N. Have you forgotten what those things can do to a cat?"

This time Cometfur winced, remembering the snapping jaws of a metallic cat so near her throat.

Oortcloud suddenly took a gigantic gulp, swallowing the candy. He heaved in a few breaths before speaking. "The longer we sit here the more those robots are going to close in on us!"

Asteroidpelt dipped his head in agreement. "We best get our helmets." The four non-famous cats ran over to the single locker at the left of the airlock. It surprisingly held the helmets and temporarily unneeded supplies of almost every person in the arena. It did this by scrolling shelves up and down, allowing you to access your own supplies.

He put in a short password, which was certainly _not_ the name of his Thunderclan crush, and grabbed his helmet between his teeth. The others did the same and they were eventually all sealed and ready to go.

The robo-cats were now much closer to the entrance of the arena, about ten fox-lengths away. The mappers gathered in the airlock and waited to be subjected to the outside world. Once the doors opened, both the cats and the robo-cats reacted.

The cats- organic of course- leapt out into the parking lot and attempted to make a giant circle around the robo-cats. Perhaps they would be taken by surprise? Of course not! These walking computers analyzed the cat's movement patterns and predicted exactly where they were heading so that they could cut them off. They pursued.

Asteroidpelt saw the C.L.A.N. around all the other towering ships, which greatly reminded him of trees back on Earth. Not a day goes by he doesn't miss the place. He heard six mechanical voices snarling not too far behind him and reminded himself to pick up the pace.

From the sound of it, it seemed like the robo-cats were gaining on them. It was time to use environmental hazards to his advantage. He spotted something quite useful and changed the course of the group.

There were tourists from a faraway planet opening the walkway of their saucer. It was their first time to see an alien death match, so they all stood at the top of the lowering walkway, about to snap a family picture.

After running beneath the falling walkway, Asteroidpelt heard the unmistakable sound of robo-cat being ground to dust behind him. Turning around for a glance at the scene, he figured that at least two of the menacing droids had been crushed.

He meanwhile added a new point of interest to an alien family photo.

"How much farther?" Oortcloud huffed. They had all been a while without a good run. They needed more exorcise.

"It's just there," Asteroidpelt called back, pointing with his tail to their ship a few dozen fox-lengths away. He turned back to see if any distance was closed between them and the robo-cats. Strangely, there were six robots tailing them. He had no doubt heard a couple of them be destroyed.

He also felt another cat's pelt brush across his own as he ran. He turned to his left and to his surprise, saw Starscreech running beside him. When did he get here?

"I assume your faith in me has been shaken," The clan's deputy meowed. His voice didn't seem to be at all affected by the harsh physical exertion.

Asteroidpelt took a moment to reply. He knew Starscreech didn't mean harm by competing in the tournament. In fact, his reason was probably to win land for their mission. He let his whiskers twitch in amusement, even though it wasn't visible through his helmet. "You're all good."

The deputy nodded and the group sped on. They were nearing the ship, so Asteroidpelt called out to Mr. Jingles to lower the walkway. Luckily, the ship's AI had good reflexes and did as the C.L.A.N. leader commanded.

Just as the cats were rushing up to the open hatch on the ship, Starscreech split off from the group. Asteroidpelt skidded to a halt and let the other cats run past him. "Where are you going?" He called after the tom.

"To get the landing module!" Starscreech yowled back. "I'll meet up with you in orbit!"

Asteroidpelt nodded. _I trust you_, he thought before running into the ship, still pressed for time.

"Welcome back," Mr. Jungles greeted.

"_Fly!" _Moondust hissed, ignoring the computer's hello. The machine obliged, starting up the thrusters and rocketing away just as the remaining robo-cats neared the ship.

"Does this mean Scorpiontail- or _Scorpiustai_l is here?" Oortcloud mewled worriedly. He was still confused at their nemesis' name, as they all were.

The only reply he got was a huff from Cometfur. It was her way of saying, "We don't know so shut your muzzle and we'll find out as soon as possible."

You could feel the tension in the air as the ship exited the atmosphere. The cats all paced the room, thinking. How exactly had Scorpiustail followed them? Had he put some kind of tracking device on their ship when he stole it? They might never find out.

The Space C.L.A.N. finally slowed to halt. It seemed to be fine for now, as no other ship was in sight. They would wait for Starscreech to come up in the module so they could get out of here. Suddenly, they saw the Red Giant drift into view from outside.

Asteroidpelt ran up to the leader's chair, a few tail-lengths off the floor. The other cats joined him in their own seats. They seemed like the best place to be for the situation. It felt like some space battle was about to go down. It also felt like they were power rangers fighting a giant mutant thing from inside some robot that ended with the suffix, "zord."

"Cannot activate weaponry," Mr. Jingles said, to the cats' horror. "We must have been hit by that same EMP blast he used before."

This was a day-ruiner for the mappers. "What do we do then?" Moondust growled.

Asteroidpelt felt their gazes resting upon him. _What could he do?_ Just when he was about to suggest they go hide in their rooms, he saw something shoot out of the Red Giant towards them. "Take cover!" he yowled, though no one had time to do so.

The projectile was a harpoon, like last time. The only difference between last time and this time was that it hit the glass hull. Of _all _timesanyone has either said or thought, "Not good," they had no idea just how un-good, un-good could get. A segment of the glass near the lower left of the hull shattered as the harpoon came into the bridge without even knocking first.

If you were paying attention during the launch, you might remember that the glass hull was split into segments divided by metal beams. This was so in the rare case that a segment shattered, the rest wouldn't follow. There was only about a square as big as the length of a cat in all directions left broken.

And that square was sucking air out of the ship _very _quickly. Along with all that air, many objects flew around the room, even sucking out some of Moondust's herbs. Asteroidpelt realized that Moondust was at great risk of being sucked out herself, as she was sitting not five tail-lengths away from the broken window.

The cats all hung on to their leather seats. The harpoon let out the same shock from before that shut down all of the ship's functions, yet it didn't work for unknown causes. Perhaps whoever had fired the harpoon had meant to hit the ship in the engine area and it didn't work otherwise. Who knew?

In the rush of clawing his seat with the retractable razor blades Mothwing had built into their suits, Asteroidpelt saw the leather making up Moondust's seat rip in his peripheral vision. He looked to his left to see her lose her grip and be sucked out of the ship, straight into deep space.

_To be continued…_


End file.
